Michelle Pfeiffer credited as playing...
Rosie
- Older TV exec: Courtney Love?
- Producer: Drugged-out hag.
- Older TV exec: Faye Dunaway?
- Producer: Don't call us, we'll call you!
- Older TV exec: Sharon Stone?
- Producer: Hag.
- Older TV exec: Geena Davis?
- Producer: Hag.
- Older TV exec: Sigourney Weaver?
- Producer: Hag.
- Older TV exec: Kim Basinger?
- Producer: Hag.
- Older TV exec: Emma Thompson?
- Producer: Brit hag.
- Older TV exec: Susan Sarandon?
- Producer: Red-state-alienating hag!
- Older TV exec: Meg Ryan?
- Producer: Too much plastic surgery.
- Older TV exec: Melanie Griffith?
- Producer: WAY too much plastic surgery.
- Older TV exec: Patricia Heaton?
- Producer: *Pointless* plastic surgery.
- Older TV exec: CHER.
- Producer: *Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!
- Rosie: [who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin] Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!
- Rosie: So that's how it ends? The most powerful male gets the most babelicious female?
- Mother Nature: That's right.
- Rosie: Well, what if there's a really cute male antelope, or a female that shows signs of leadership?
- Mother Nature: Useless.
- Rosie: Why?
- Mother Nature: Look, there's an order to this mating business.
- Rosie: Why can't we change things?
- Mother Nature: Haven't you self-centered, pec-loading assholes changed enough? It's not natural!
- Rosie: What's so great about natural?
- Mother Nature: What?
- Rosie: Think about it. Tobacco is natural, Prozac's unnatural. Earthquakes are natural, television's unnatural. Natural sucks!
- Rosie: Putz: noun - a yokel; a jerk.
- Censor: My rabbi consultant said it means penis.
- Rosie: We're allowed to say penis!
- Censor: Yes, you can say penis, but this is the bad penis. Like 'prick'.
- Rosie: And... what exactly is the *good* penis?
- Adam: [starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants] Check it out.
- [snickers from ensemble of 'You Go Girl' actors]
- [last lines]
- Mother Nature: This is good. Now you can settle down and act your age.
- Rosie: What's that supposed to mean? Easy listening and orthopedic shoes?
- Mother Nature: That sounds about right, yeah.
- Rosie: No, I don't wanna do that. I wanna stay passionate. I-I wanna scream at rock concerts, and-and get angry at the news. And - I wanna wear miniskirts!
- Mother Nature: You're gonna look ridiculous!
- Rosie: Yeah, well, when enough people are ridiculous, it starts to look normal.