The Shadow Walkers

This movie is probably the worst movie I have ever seen. I mean there's a ton of other bad movies out there but this beats them all. Its actually considered a comedy because the acting is so bad and the make up and special effects. Its a lot of fun though to sit through it and laugh a lot. There's the funniest scream in the movie too. They play it twice. Watch this movie if you're looking to make great inside jokes with friends or family or if you just want to hear the greatest scream of all time. The actors probably deserve an award of some kind for being some of the worst out there. Don't let the cover to this movie fool you. Or the description because you'll be jipped for sure.

For one, the movie is entirely clichéd. For two, (I have to admit) I am grateful that it is only a "scifi," because if it were actually based off any real things, I would be a thousand times more insulted than I am, by merely the photo-work. The old zombie-like appearance is so far overdone that it has been done literally to death. On top of that, the acting, as I have seen, even in the commercials is so horrible, and the "special effects" are just as bad, that a child in grade school could have done better.

Frankly, "The Shadow Walkers" is an insult to me, personally, to others who really ARE Shadow Walkers, and even to the very intelligence of those who watch the movie. I have seen better acting and "special effects" out of a Rob Zombie film. In the least, for a movie like this, the creators could have chosen another name for it, instead of picking something out which obviously has nothing to do with the idea behind the movie, let alone what they call "special effects." The movie doesn't even depict what a real Shadow Walker is, let alone does it have a decent storyline.

To be blunt, this movie should never have been made.

Yes, I gave it four stars. Was the acting bad? I think the producer got what he paid for. Were the special effects laughable? Same answer as earlier. The plot, I think it was a decent amalgam of successful movie plots, (although poorly executed). I'm sure this was meant to be a funny (for the most part). I think a different director would have made all the difference. The way that some of the scenes played out was plain laughable. I mean the martial arts was kind of cool, but come on! These are supposed to be super strong fast kinda intelligent zompires. ( I say that because at some points in the movie he protects himself with light from a flashlight.) I think that a better director could have really done something with this film. That or more boobs. I vote for more boobs. I recommend watching this drunk with friends.

That about sums it up, so rather than really reviewing much more, here are the high (low?) points:

In the stolen plot devices category:

1) Chemical gas knocking out genetics lab employees (who wake up with temporary memory loss): Resident Evil

2) Tedious dance across thin object bridging an abyssal drop while evading or escaping: The Poseidon Adventure (new one), The Fellowship of the Ring, most any action film with an elevator scene, and many others... (take your pick).

3) Immense facility to provide perfect settings for zombie confrontations and on which the world's safety from pandemic tragedy relies on containment of said facility: (entire Resident Evil franchise).

4) Somewhat sentient zombie-like antagonists that have very human memories and abilities, but still want to kill everyone: Every poorly-done A-Team variety zombie film ever made.

Other random poorly conceived or implemented ideas:

1) Doctor or Lab tech (white coat staff) wearing fishnet top.

2) General Death Star-like abyss of a "Genetic Containment Unit".

3) Blatantly stealing "You are one ugly Mother..." from Predator.

4) Having a survivor maintain a fist-fight with an obviously superior "infected" (or whatever you want to call it) mutated human who's saliva would only infect the survivor as he hits it.

5) Adding generic porn-film quality soundtrack by an 80's soundtrack band in an attempt to sound like Slipknot in Resident Evil or somehow appeal to a younger party crowd.

6) The very much cliché idea that Big Bad (not to mention always bungling) "Military Industrial Complex" is of course responsible for the inevitable mess of genetically engineered zombie hordes every time.

7) Use of the word "Prion" in the script in an attempt to impart some sense of intelligence or scientific reasoning.

8) Adding the genetic mutation of fangs and long, sharp claws to the film's antagonists, only to have them very carefully avoid using them in nearly attack every scene (presumably to avoid having to have makeup/effects re-apply them when they pop off/out).

Shoreline entertainment, a company that regularly produces creature features yet can't get a commission from Syfy after yet, despite even The Asylum being commissioned to produce Syfy creature features, brings us another creature feature of roughly the quality implied by the description I just gave.

They've produced films like "Parasite" and "Stinger", they're distributed nonsense like "Blood Predator" and "Pray for Morning". Now there's this.

People find themselves in an underground building, without memories of how they got there and with super soldier rejects chasing after them; super soldiers that are afraid of light sometimes.

From there, well, its another alien clone type movie except for being much less competent than most. Considering how many Alien clones there actually are that's not exactly a good thing. But as an example, an older man is hanging by a rope. Other people try pulling him up and if you blink you'll miss when they drop the rope. Presumably the hanging man fell then since that character might not be mentioned again. If he was, well, see previous comment about his initial "fall".

But when a movie starts off with armed men staring blankly at masked invaders who promptly shoot them, well, you should know what you're about to watch isn't too likely to be great. Or tolerable.