The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie

I am a Veggietales fan. I enjoy most of the television episodes, although some are better than others. Jonah was a decent showing of the Veggietales on the big screen, but I have to say I am disappointed in Pirates.

I just found myself bored. The laughs were few, and very far between. The storyline was not very original, very predictable and I miss the Biblical lessons that Veggietales are known for. There was still a lesson, but not one we haven't heard before in a billion other better made movies for the secular audience.

I was trying to pay attention to how the kids in the theater were reacting. I heard one young boy behind me say "that was good" when the show ended, but I'm not sure if he was remarking on the "Rock Monster" (think B52s "Rock Lobster") song at the end, which is catchy and lighthearted (too bad more of the movie wasn't that way) or if he meant the whole show. The kids didn't seem to fidget too much while the movie was playing...but I was.

I just know that Big Idea has better ideas under its sleeve than this. I'm hoping their next venture is up to par.

Um. Idk why this thing exists. It's funny. Has some good themes ig. It's a VeggieTales movie tho. Hmmmmm 52/100

#44

Reviewer name and watch date: Andrew Thorpe, 6/22/2022, Wed.

Movie title and release year: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything,, (2008)

52/100, E-

1a - Attraction value - upon first contact, is the idea appealing?: 4/10 1b - Attraction value - cast, plot, series, other medium influence?: 6/10 2a - Acting - casting - lead, supporting, villain, etc: 5/15 2b - Acting - character interaction, emotional connection: 9/15 3a - Dialogue - use for moving plot forward, nuance: 7/10 3b - Dialogue - writing quality, profanity, comedy: 12/15 4a - Plot - logical within universe, easy to follow, makes sense: 10/15 4b - Plot - quality, is it a good plot? Too long, unique?: 10/15 5a - Themes & motifs - symbolism, strong impressions: 12/15 5b - Themes & motifs - applicable ideas/thoughts, call to action: 5/5 6a - Cinematography - pace of editing, cuts, scene length, etc: 5/15 6b - Cinematography - angle, tone mood of shots: 5/15 7a - Effects - practical - explosions, large animals & vehicles: 4/5 7b - Effects - practical - costumes, weapons, props: 2/5 7c - Effects - practical - settings, scenery: 2/5 7d - Effects - special - CGI, green screen: 1/5 8a - Sound - score - conveying mood, determining attitude, etc: 10/20 8b - Sound - sound fx - foley, gunshots, explosions, dialogue, sound quality: 5/10 9a - Direction - quality - vision, concept, should this movie exist?: 5/10 9b - Direction - choices - execution of vision, cohesiveness: 5/15 10 - Bonus - up to 30 bonus points: 5/30 Total out of 250: 129/250.

Positives: An above average kid movie, with enough adult references to keep the parents interested. Not as hyperactive a movie like other modern movies aimed at children, a plus. A decent moral message.

Negatives: For those expecting a biblical message, as with other VeggieTale productions, you will be disappointed. There are analogies to biblical themes, but nothing explicit. The idea of the "helpseeker" floating golden ball, a major element in the movie, which is a magical device that helps and guides the main characters throughout, had a sci-fi, mystical aspect to it. The very idea of a "helpseeker" was against the very character of what I had come to expect from past VeggieTales productions.

As a kids movie, I would give it a 7. But for those expecting a VeggieTales biblical message, look elsewhere. My disappointment over the moderation of their message reduces my rating.

Vegetables who act as if they are human (and eat vegetables of a different order).

Some of them act as pirates in a show, and become "real" pirates in just the same way, with just the same distance of abstraction.

Its complicated by the further addition of a mechanical race that emulates the vegetables (that are emulating humans). And a further magical ball that masters everything. On the other end are a herd of living cheese curls and another of boulders.

This is another of those films which have all their narrative value in the way these abstractions are drawn. The story doesn't matter in the slightest; no character matters. No "message" exists. It only has value in the way it engages the child-viewer, and the way it engages is by presenting layers of imagination, obvious methods of abstraction.

Kids used to play by imagining and acting stories. Its a value associated with inner dialog, and abstract reasoning. It is an essential life skill. Kids don't do that anymore because advertising has convinced them that play is toy-centric and stories come assembled from a store.

That opens up a need for movies that play with the abstractions of inner dialog, and visually explicable layers.

I wish they were more open, more ambiguous and child-generated. And we know enough about cognitive science to know that the age group that this targets shouldn't be watching TeeVee AT ALL.

But this IS pretty complex stuff.

For instance, they have no arms or legs, and this is dealt with differently. The arm hand operations are simply performed as if arms and hands did exist. The walking is handled quite differently, as if they really had no legs; they hop.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

I took the kids to see this one, and they all thoroughly enjoyed themselves (even the teenager!). Personally, I got a kick out of the story; with all the twists and turns, you never know what is coming next, or where it will all lead. There are realistic personal situations for our favorite veggies to deal with, plenty of action to keep things moving along, and all the laughs and silliness that we have come to expect from Veggie Tales. The moral was there, of course, presented so wonderfully and cleverly that even the secular audience grasp and appreciate the lesson. Once again, Big Idea has served us up a delightful tale for the entire family, that children of all ages can see with no worries by their parents.