Satanic

One of the most pathetic and deceitful things a movie producer can do is promote his/her crap film by exploiting the name of a famous and extremely popular veteran actor and then subsequently only cast the popular veteran actor in a role that isn't much larger than a cameo appearance. Jeffrey Combs is incredibly popular among horror fans – mainly for his role of the demented Dr. West in the "Re-Animator" films – and he's one of the most regular & prominent actors active in the genre, so linking his name to a new film is guaranteed to attract more viewers. Combs' name is the first on the DVD-cover and the first one to be displayed during the opening credits, yet all together he only appears on screen for approximately three minutes of playtime in total! That's quite frustrating, especially because many people (myself included) probably feared already that "Satanic" would suck tremendously and hoped that Combs' performance would be the only worthwhile element. I just hope this isn't saying anything about Jeffrey Combs' career being in trouble or something. It's easy money, of course, but let's hope his career does not depend on paychecks like this. "Satanic" certainly isn't the worst horror film I ever saw, but it's dreadfully boring and the acting performances are incompetent beyond imagination. The basic concept of the film is somewhat intriguing, and admittedly I was pleasantly surprised by the end-twist, but the low-budget elaboration is very poor and amateurish. Following a disastrous car-accident, Michelle wakes up in a hospital and can't remember a single thing about her past and family situation. She carries around an eerie kind of Ouija-board soon suffers from nightmares in which her dead father comes to ask her bizarre questions regarding events that took place before the accident. Michelle is then moved from the hospital to a home for troubled teenagers where her tainted pas slowly gets unraveled. "Satanic" severely drags in places and none of the characters actually manages to say their lines properly. Especially James Russo and Diane Goldner are both horrible as the obnoxious owners of the Harmony House; the place where Michelle is sent after her treatment at the hospital. There's very little gore and bloodshed on display and most of the murders are incomprehensibly committed off screen. There's some hot female nudity and – as said – the denouement is admirable, but overall "Satanic" nearly isn't good or memorable enough to get a recommendation.

Woooaah Nelly!!! Talk about a cinematic suckfest! This movie blows. Wait it sucks. Damn, I can't decide which it does more but it's very very poor quality crap that barely qualifies for the status of being an actual movie.

If you are in an UBER stupid mood you can sit through this just to watch a dumb movie. It's pretty incredibly lame w special effects and it's absolutely the most unbelievable acting ever. If you don't mind a so bad that it's kinda good in a retarded way- you can add this to your roster of crap to half pay attention to sometime. However- if you are looking for a decent horror movie keep walkin' buddy, nothing to see here.. nothing to see here.

A few things to show you how dumb this movie is- some scenes of the bandaged face are bandages, others are a hard mask that is obviously different yet both are supposed to represent the same thing- which is pathetic.

Right in line with the production quality of the rest of this worthless dog.

The lead girl is pretty curvy though. One yum to that.

After a car crash, a woman has her face reconstructed. She can't remember anything, and is sent to a home for delinquents since she had been a troublemaker before the crash and now has no family. A strange satanic ouija board was found with her in the car, and a satanic journal was found in her room. (Peculiarly, this movie seems to think a pentagram with one point up is satanic - I thought it was two?) People begin dying and she still can't remember anything...

The production values for this straight-to-video horror movie were pretty good, thankfully. Competent cinematography, lighting and sound, and decent special effects. The father was creepy-looking.

It was unfortunate that Scrimm and Combs didn't have bigger roles. I suspected both would turn out to be cameos, and indeed they're little more than that. I wonder what they got paid?

There's some gratuitous nudity from one of the other delinquents in the home, and the lead provides a shower scene although it seemed like it could have been a body double.

The movie really goes downhill once the characters figure out what is going on. By that time, most viewers will have guessed. The ending is pretty unsatisfying.

Very uneven lowish production values hurt, but there are some good ideas in the script and the Combs and Scrimm are fine in basically not much roles,probably lured by director Dan Golden's knowing them than by the material, though both have been in worse roles in worse movies. James Russo's part is almost as "big" but as Combs but they didn't have the guts to claim he stars in the movie. However using Combs name first on the box is exploitation in the worst sense he's barely in the movie. Scrimm has a bigger but ultimately no pay off role. Movie is about OUJA board more than anything Satanic other than the credit sequence in lava-hell landscape.

So what's really bad about the movie is a slapdash editing and really crappy sound job and lousy music score that lifts a "cut to commercial" music signature bit from Charlie's Angels.

Also the principal cast is pretty bad and much post production re-dubbing of voices sounds like it was done by one actor impersonating the the cast rather poorly. And if those are the actors voices, almost impossible, but if those are then the post production sound is even worse than I'm giving it "credit" for.

The occasional crappy sets and pretty bad make-up further drag this down into the dumps. Some okay ideas from director Golden but usually defeated by one problem or another. But in the shameful hall of Lionsgate "pick up" movies this is for the most part not a total rip off, if you can overlook the sloppy editing. Sometimes shots linger just long enough to make you chuckle at a odd performance or a not so great effect, that would have been fine if it didn't linger.

Sure it's shot on video, like everything will be soon, quality varies but there is far worse looking stuff out there, but the sound really really tries to bury this one in the ground, lousy demon voices and that music score, it's like, well how can I say, bad.

Utterly incoherent storyline, character development that does absolutely nothing, and awful acting. There is absolutely no reason to see this movie unless you're into sadism and masochism.

It starts off with a kid and her father in a car wreck, followed by horrible CGI, terribly fake stage setting, and giving the appearance that the movie might actually be interesting. Next scene, she's in the hospital, after having a miraculous recovery and facial rebuilding.

She ends up in some kind of foster home for troubled kids, and it doesn't really do anything from there. At all. Nothing. The first 3/4 of the movie is "character development" that does nothing, and the last 1/4 is exposition galore that also, surprisingly, does nothing.

Stale, emotionless acting, one of the most predictable and cliché endings to anything I've seen in awhile, and an incredibly weak - almost non-existent - plot kill this movie. There are absolutely no redeeming qualities to this movie aside from the random nude shots, and even those are boring.

2/10