Kevin Heffernan credited as playing...
Landfill • Gil • Sausage Lady
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: It's magical!
- Landfill: I want to put my dick in it!
- Jan Wolfhouse: I want it to put its dick in me!
- Barry Badrinath: I wish it were winter so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the spring time and drink it!
- Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...
- Landfill: [Interrupting] What's a ZJ?
- Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I've got $4.
- [Landfill puts Fink's hand down and mouths, "No, thank you."]
- Jan Wolfhouse: So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?
- Landfill: [Landfill gets mad, throws his trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them, and I'm the asshole!
- Barry Badrinath: [after drinking Ram's piss] Oh man, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank.
- Landfill: I doubt that very much, playboy
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'm gonna puke! Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.
- Barry Badrinath: Yeah.
- Landfill: Let's get bombed!
- [everyone cheers]
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: You know, I got an idea. I think it might work. I did this study in college: Finklestein's Theory on the Effects of Alcohol on the Medial Temporal Lobe.
- Gil: English!
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Drunken recall. I made people drink massive quantities of alcohol, and then I taught them things while they were blacked out. Now, in the morning, they had no recollection of it whatsoever. But when I got them drunk again, they remembered everything.
- Barry Badrinath: [pretends to cough] Bullshit!
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Oh, now you're coming after me? This is great. I got a cowboy on one side, an Indian on the other. It's like the Wild West, all right? I got it published.
- Barry Badrinath: Where?
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Maxim magazine, under the title "E Equals MC Hammered".
- Landfill: Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath? Who's Barry Badrinath?
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'll show you how to chug a beer, motherfucker, you fat fuckin' cow. L'Chaim!
- [proceeds to drink a half-empty pitcher]
- Landfill: Uh oh! I think somebody's trying to chug in my face!
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Come on, guys. I'm a respected member of the scientific community. I've been published in four journals.
- Landfill: Which one? Toad Load Weekly?
- Gil: Looks like we got the Brits in round 1. We already kicked their asses in WWII. Cheer-i-o, let's do it again!
- Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.
- [opens suitcase of euros]
- Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.
- Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.
- Landfill: What's that, like pesos?
- Otto: That is legal European tender!
- Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.
- Gunter: But they are so hard to find!
- Todd Wolfhouse: Jim Tobleson said they called in a hostage negotiator
- Landfill: Jim Tobleson's a fucking Chatty Cathy! I did my three years up at the county pen. Made some friends, went Muslim. Now I'm out, praise Allah.