Paul Soter credited as playing...
Jan Wolfhouse
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: It's magical!
- Landfill: I want to put my dick in it!
- Jan Wolfhouse: I want it to put its dick in me!
- Barry Badrinath: I wish it were winter so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the spring time and drink it!
- Jan Wolfhouse: So yeah, I heard you got fired from the brewery?
- Landfill: [Landfill gets mad, throws his trophy] God damn brewery! You know that brewery makes 10,000 bottles of beer a day. I drink 45 of them, and I'm the asshole!
- Jan Wolfhouse: And here's something else you forgot to factor in - we're not that drunk.
- Pim Scutney: Did you hear that everybody? They said they're not that drunk! Cheeky bastards!
- Crowd: [shouting along] They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk!
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Somehow I cloned a batch of monkey frogs.
- Todd Wolfhouse: They hand out Nobel prizes for stuff like that?
- Jan Wolfhouse: Let me see that, let me see you little...
- [looking in to the bag, monkey frog screams]
- Jan Wolfhouse: Oh my god!
- Todd Wolfhouse: Oh my god, what have you done?
- Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.
- Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.
- Great Gam Gam: [seeing Jan's black eye] What happened to you?
- Jan Wolfhouse: Oh, I, uh, accidentally walked into a wall... the Berlin Wall...
- Todd Wolfhouse: We've got to go back and get grandpa's ashes.
- Jan Wolfhouse: You go, I'm never leaving this place.
- Jan Wolfhouse: [Barry picked up a woman] Are you sure you want to do this?
- Barry Badrinath: Are you kidding? She's hot as hell! I'm just lookin' for a little slap n' pickle.
- Jan Wolfhouse: You're drunk.
- Barry Badrinath: Hey... I'm drunk, you're drunk... everybody's drunk!
- Todd Wolfhouse: [after trying the beer] What's wrong?
- Jan Wolfhouse: This means Great Gam Gam really was a whore.
- Todd Wolfhouse: [thinks about it for a second, then runs off with his ears covererd] LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...
- Otto: Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you right now... in cash.
- [opens suitcase of euros]
- Jan Wolfhouse: Big deal. A suitcase full of monopoly money.
- Schlemmer: Come on, those are euros.
- Landfill: What's that, like pesos?
- Otto: That is legal European tender!
- Rolf: I told you we should have brought Deutsch marks.
- Gunter: But they are so hard to find!
- Jan Wolfhouse: So what else do the Germans do?
- Great Gam Gam: They also practice by drinking the urine of a ram.
- Todd Wolfhouse: The - the what?
- Great Gam Gam: They drink ram's piss.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Because of the pH balance?
- Great Gam Gam: No... because if you can drink ram's piss, fuck, you can drink almost anything.
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: She said "fuck."
- Jan Wolfhouse: Double or nothing!
- Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: On what, huh?
- Jan Wolfhouse: The von Wolfhausen family recipe. You win, you get to keep it. We win, we get your brewery. Or should I say our brewery?
- Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: But we already have the recipe!
- [Wolfgang pulls out a disc given to him by Cherry, who laughs with the rest of the Germans]
- Cherry: I got it off the nerd's computer. Hahahaha! You're fucked!
- Rolf: Yeah, you're fucked.
- [Fink bursts out laughing]
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: That's rich, Baron.
- Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: What's so funny?
- Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I didn't put that recipe on my computer. However, you are holding the recipe for a low-carb strawberry beer. We call it She-Wolf. It's okay.
- Wolfgang von Wolfhaus: Strawberry?
- [Wolfgang contemptuously turns toward Cherry and claps his hands]
- Cherry: No, no, you know how you like strawberries, and you want me to lose weight, so that was the low carbs... Wait a minute, we like strawberries! Get your damn hands off! You're trying to see my panties! Goddamnit, put me down, please! Where are the Africans! Can the Africans come help me? Jesus!
- [Gunshots are fired offscreen as Wolfgang's goons kill Cherry for bringing him the wrong recipe]