Christopher Rodriguez Marquette credited as playing...
Linus
- Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?
- Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
- Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
- Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
- Hutch: Beside's you.
- Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
- Linus: Captain Picard.
- Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
- Windows: [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"
- Linus: [Shatner has given them the access codes to Skywalker Ranch] How did you score all of this?
- William Shatner: Are you kidding? I'm William Shatner; I can score anything.
- Eric: How about Jeri Ryan's panties?
- Windows: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.
- Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
- Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
- Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself.
- Windows: I was perfectly honest with her.
- Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
- Windows: I *am* white chocolate.
- Linus: I was wondering what did Sulu find in Captain Kirk's lavatory.
- Admiral Seasholtz: Sulu clearly found a standard issue Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device.
- Linus: I believe it was the Captain's log.
- Eric: Linus. Hey, stop walking. Linus! Hold up, man! Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you.
- Linus: Exactly. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eric Bottler graduates high school and never looks back. You bailed on our plan, Bottler!
- Eric: What plan? To be the next big thing in comics? Come on, man. That was never gonna happen. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up. I'm the only one who did. Look at you guys.
- Linus: You know, you could fool anybody with this cheap suit, salesman-of-the-year pitch. But I know you better than anybody and deep down, you are one miserable son of a bitch.
- Hutch: I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.
- Eric: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.
- Windows: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.
- Linus: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."
- Eric: Oh, my God. That's right.
- Windows: There is such a thing as time-out.
- Hutch: [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
- The Chief: The Chief fixed it while you boys were asleep.
- Eric: The Chief fixed it. Is he around? Can we thank him?
- Linus: He's the Chief. You're the Chief, aren't you? Why didn't you say so?
- The Chief: The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person. It causes confusion, especially with the bitches.
- Linus: We have to strip to Menudo?
- Thick-Necked Thug: You got a problem with Menudo? Now, take it off!