Kristen Bell credited as playing...
Mary Lane
- Mary Lane: [singing after smoking a joint] I feel a little naughty.
- Ralph Wiley: Baby I'll help you relax!
- [giggles]
- Mary Lane: I'll tie you up with phone cord. We'll play with whips and nipple clips and candle wax!
- Ralph Wiley: Now hold on, Mary Sunshine. Let's not get carried away!
- Mary Lane: Just call me Mary Juana and Mary's got some scary little games to play! I'll lather you up...
- Ralph Wiley: Who, me?
- Mary Lane: And give you a shave...
- Ralph Wiley: *Shave*?
- Mary Lane: I'll paddle you while straddling my little slave!
- Ralph Wiley: Hey, now!
- Mary Lane: Down on your knees! It's pointless to fight! Save your strength, it's gonna be a lengthy night!
- Ralph Wiley: Help! This crazy tomato's raping me!
- Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: [Mary has just taken her first hit] Goodbye Mary Sunshine! Reefer has blown out her mind! She's now a hot-head hussy!
- Mary Lane: Don't you run! I'm not done! Can't you tell we've just begun? What's your rush? You're not having fun?
- Ralph Wiley: No, I'm really not!
- Mary Lane, Ralph Wiley: Mary, Mary Sunshine! Burned for, yearned for dirty life!
- [Mary stuffs Ralph's mouth with an apple and straddles him]
- Ralph Wiley: Mmmph?
- Mary Lane: Shut up, bitch!
- Mary Lane: Say, is this a fraternity sweater? Is Jimmy hanging out with college boys?
- Ralph Wiley: Why, yes, yes, he is. We at Phi Beta Cannabis were so taken with Jimmy, we decided to pledge him... early... while he's still in high school... to avoid the rush.
- Mary Lane: Well, that's the bee's knees! Wait 'til that Suzy Mayberry hears about this!
- Ralph Wiley: Let's celebrate... with a smoke!
- Mary Lane: Hold on! This isn't that reefer I've read about, is it?
- Ralph Wiley: Oh, no, of course not. This is a special cigarette. All the rage with the college girls... in Paris.
- Mary Lane: Paris?
- Ralph Wiley: Oh, yes.
- Mary Lane: Well, if I'm going to be dating a fraternity man...
- [Ralph shoves a reefer stick in her mouth]
- [Ralph, hallucinating, opens a closet door and sees Satan sodomizing Mary]
- Mary Lane: Remember me, Ralph? I've been sent to hell! A pubescent edition of Jezebel. It hurts a lot to bend! But, at least, I've made a friend.
- Ralph Wiley: Shut up!
- Satan: You murdered her, Ralph!
- Mary Lane: Murdered me!
- Ralph Wiley: Murdered you!
- Jimmy: Murdered me!
- Ralph Wiley: Murdered them!
- Jack Stone: [to Mae] What's eating him?
- Ralph Wiley: Jack! I saw Satan! And the kid. And Satan! And the girl. And *Satan*!
- Mary Lane: Jimmy, is something wrong?
- Jimmy: [Extremely high] Why? Should something be wrong? Stop hounding me! Stop... hounding... me!
- Mary Lane: I didn't think I was, I... Oh, it's me, isn't it? You don't love me anymore. You haven't even tried to kiss in almost a week.
- Jimmy: Kiss? Is *that* what you want? Let me show *you* a few new moves!
- [Jimmy pushes Mary down and gags her with his tongue]
- Mary Lane: [Jumps up] That was your tongue! Jimmy Harper, what's come over you?
- Jimmy Harper: I can't wait to read the ending!
- Mary Lane: I can't either! But I bet it turns out real swell! I bet Romeo marries his Juliet...
- Jimmy Harper: They have a baby
- Mary Lane: And make lots of friends!
- Mary Lane, Jimmy Harper: That's prob'ly the way the play ends!