William Fichtner credited as playing...
Mr. Bill Stiffle
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Mrs. Johnson suspects that Troy might have been selling drugs to some other kids at school.
- Dean Stiffle: Yeah?
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: How do you feel about that?
- Dean Stiffle: I feel that it must have been unfulfilling for him.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: That's very interesting. Why do you say that?
- Dean Stiffle: Because he killed himself.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: How do you feel about the suicide of your best friend in the world?
- Dean Stiffle: [pause] Real shitty.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Dean, a young life was taken - and from the moment it happened, you ignored it like it was nothing! You didn't even tell any of the adults there at the party, could you explain that?
- Dean Stiffle: I just didn't think that you guys would...
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: What?
- Dean Stiffle: Care!
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Dean, I know that Troy was your best friend.
- Dean Stiffle: Actually, we weren't really friends. We hung out sometimes, that's all.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Did you have a better friend than him?
- Dean Stiffle: ...I don't really have any friends dad, you know that.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Right, so strictly speaking, Troy was your best friend. And how do you feel about the suicide of *your* best friend? In the world?
- Dean Stiffle: Real shitty.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Come on, son. Make an effort for me?
- Dean Stiffle: Dad, I told you before, I'm not all broken up about it! And I'm supposed to be? I'm just not.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: You're really not?
- [Dean falls silent as Bill pulls out his notebook]
- Dean Stiffle: ...No. Sorry, I...
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: [Bill starts to write in his notebook] No, no. I understand how someone might respond like that.
- Dean Stiffle: ...What are you writing? Dad, I thought we were just talking man-to-man, here...
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Just one second.
- Dean Stiffle: Dad, if you write about me again in another one of your stupid books - I'm going to kill you.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: [Bill stops writing] Stupid? There are several major book chains around this country, that would disagree with you on that point.
- Dean Stiffle: Alright, dad...
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: The Happy Accident alone is going to pay your college tuition!
- Dean Stiffle: Alright!
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Fine... Now let me ask you this, Dean. Mrs. Johnson suspects that Troy might have been selling drugs to some of the kids at school.
- Dean Stiffle: Yeah?
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: How do you feel about that?
- Dean Stiffle: I feel that it must have been unfulfilling for him.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: That's very interesting. Why do you say that?
- Dean Stiffle: Because he killed himself...
- Officer Lou Bratley: Okay - so, now, you want to tell me about this fight at the mall?
- Dean Stiffle: No. Not really, no.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Dean, make an effort for me, please. I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for all this, officer.
- Officer Lou Bratley: I'm all ears.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Dean?
- Dean Stiffle: ...The guy at the mall was Billy. He and the other two forced me to steal drugs from my friend, Troy.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Troy? Who's this Troy?
- Dean Stiffle: Troy Johnson. He's dead.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: He committed suicide, sir.
- Officer Lou Bratley: I don't understand.
- Dean Stiffle: I told them no, so to force me to do it, they kidnapped my brother.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Wait a minute, are you kidding me? You got a son who's kidnapped?
- Dean Stiffle: No, wait a second, listen. They got the wrong kid. And they said if I didn't get the stuff from Troy, they were going to kill him.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Oh, you just said Troy, who's dead.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: He is, officer. Dean...?
- Dean Stiffle: So I did it, only Charlie - my little brother, Charlie, switched the drugs on me. And I wound up with a bag of my mom's Veggie Force.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Veggie Force?
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: It's this vitamin line she hocks.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Veggie Force! I know that stuff. Right, I know, Veggie Force, right. Okay. Yeah... you wouldn't happen to know if they make a weight gainer for kids?
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: I can check I guess.
- Dean Stiffle: ...Anyway, that's why we got in a fight. Cause he wouldn't let the kid go.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Which kid?
- Dean Stiffle: The kid who was kidnapped.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Okay. I think I understand. You were fighting at the mall with a guy who's kidnapping and drug smuggling with a guy who killed himself.
- Dean Stiffle: ...Yeah.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Well, that's great Dean, you know? Only there doesn't happen to be any reports around here of any missing kids, so how do you explain that?
- Dean Stiffle: I can't... I can't explain that.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: [Interrupting] Officer, can I...?
- Officer Lou Bratley: Well, I mean, what's his name? This missing kid, this kidnapped kid, what's his name?
- Dean Stiffle: He's called Charley.
- Officer Lou Bratley: Charley what?
- Dean Stiffle: Charley Br...
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: [Interrupting again] Officer Bratley, could you step outside a minute, please? I'd like to talk to you in private.
- Dean Stiffle: ...O-Officer Bratley?
- Dean Stiffle: Dad, if you write about me again in another one of your stupid books, I'm going to kill you.
- Dr. Bill Stiffle: Stupid? There are several major book chains around this country that will disagree with you on that point.