Naked Fame

Forget any angst-ridden documentary! This film is really an out and out comedy about a 40-yer-old porn star whose goal in life is to sing junky circuit party songs. The only problem? Colton Ford can't sing! And the film cuts away whenever he appears to be ready to burst into song. Yet Ford and equally vapid boyfriend Blake Harper whine and primp and run around in their tank tops, determined to make dreams come true. Even funnier is "manager" Kyle who appears to have the I.Q. of a turnip and whose collagen-injected lips look like a bee stung him. How can grown men be so self-delusional? Bwa ha ha! As for the documentary, the filmmakers don't appear to have any POV and the film is poorly structured and wildly uneven. Very little background information is provided about the three leads. Such an inclusion might have made the three seem like something other than aging West Hollywood stereotypes.

One of the worse gay-related movies I have ever seen. Since these are not characters in this story it's hard to comment on the actual film. Therefore, since Colton Ford (aka Glen) laid his life open for all to see, I guess he's fair game to criticize. And that's not hard to do. Here goes. 50 something Glen is a big time porn star who wants fame and fortune as a big time singer. (I guess 11 films makes him a "star") Being gay and forty, I have seen porno and I did not recognize him or his lover. Personally they all look the same to me with different hair styles. Face it, guys, he's no Jeff Stryker, Jim Bently or Casey Donovon. That's OK, though. The purpose of these films takes place in about 6.5 minutes, so they all pretty much have the same requirements, if you know what I mean.

So Glen wants to be a serious (legit) singer after he dumps the porno industry but he can't get anyone to take him seriously. I wonder why? Was he so stupid to think that he could whitewash taking his clothes off and having sex on film. And according to the film it's not just porn flicks he indulges in, it's living in a house with other "stars" where people can hook into their bedroom, the bathroom and where ever via webcams . It's 500 dollars an hour to entertain at a private party. Strip gigs at clothing optional "hotels". Doing something called meth which I presume is a drug. And then you have the balls to get angry when someone at a club gig tries to touch you ---- because he's "legit" now. Oy!

The only interesting, non-cardboard character is the Academy Award winning gay screen writer who wouldn't give his name. And considering this is a documentary, well, porn is as porn does. You can tell he's most amused by the dumb-bunny porn star.

Glen has one hyper-nellie manager (Kyle) who wants to "sell' him as a porno-participant in hopes of getting him gay-club gigs. He tries to do the Svengalli-routine. "Wear this" "Don't smile" "say this" in what amounts to controlling issues. But our anti-hero will not be controlled or told what to do. That's the first mistake. I'm not saying Kyle was right but if any budding singer starts questioning the manager, they're not going to get far. Kind of like: He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.

All of this wouldn't have been bad if it weren't for one small tiny bit of information. Drum roll, please. He's bad. He sucks. His singing talent ranks up there with Ashlee Simpson. It's hard to root for someone who -- while trying make his dream come true --- at 50! --- doesn't work like normal people. No job. Can you say lazy-ass? And the whining, and the "Why don't they accept me." song and dance. And after a few months of scraping the surface of the music industry, he spouts off, "Why don't I have a record deal by now." What? Actors are waiters. Writers work in low-level newspapers or mags -- whatever. This guy is above that. It's true. He wants his success now merely because he decided he wanted it. Whine. Whine Whine. His lover leaves him to return to nursing but I tell ya I wouldn't want that moron dispensing medical care to me. Both of them were useless. Airheads. The movie is useless. Unless you really like Whine and Cheeesy people stay away. Do not waste your money on the crappy lives of useless people, there are far more interesting things stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

If you take this movie to seriously, of course you're going to hate it. Colton Ford has no talent and the documentary is a parade of delusion, with a few moments of clarity. But that is what makes it so funny. A group of about 10 gay guys got together last night to watch it, and first of all, none of us recognized any of the so-called "porn stars" in the movie. In this day, all porn stars look like clones. Secondly, this movie is the equivalent of watching the worst auditions for "American Idol." Actually make that "The Gong Show." Except he takes his pants off in the beginning. My stomach still hurts from laughing at this movie. Worth it for that alone.

Give Colton (Glen) and Blake (Peter) a break....at least they had the guts to put themselves out there and give this documentary project a try. This little story, if you choose to view it this way, may be a bit of a morality tale...although for a limited (mainly gay?) audience. The lesson might be....don't let your babies grow up to be porn-stars???

I found the documentary interesting, maybe because I know nothing of the music business and how a club song is created and marketed, so that was new to me; now that I've seen it, it looked awful, and boring. Also, I admit to romanticising some porn actors (Blake / Peter was one for me) and the gay porn industry despite all the stories about what an awful business it is. So the chance to have the awfulness confirmed and to see the other side of the gay porn rainbow after the sex celebrity merry-go-round slows down was intriguing. It was revealing and more than a little sad.

This documentary catches Glen and Peter at the point in their lives where they're trying to turn away from the youth and looks they've depended on for the first 35 years of their lives to pay the rent. It must be terrifying to be hitting 40 and dealing with the fact life just ain't happening like it was when you were the hottest thing in gay porn. What are you going to do for the rest of your life when the foundation of your first 20 years has gone the way of all flesh?

Of the 3 primary characters, Glen, Peter and Kyle, Glen/Colton comes across as self-possessed and narcissistic most of the time. Not a particularly likable character personality-wise....and, sadly, I don't really care that he doesn't appear to have much of a chance at making it in the club music scene. Colton's story is not yet done; the story after the story is what does he do when he finally accepts he has no career as a singer?

Peter, oddly enough,comes across as the most likable character in the documentary. He is sympathetic, sweet, and his devotion to partner to Glen/Colton is obvious. I wonder how many people would be so self-sacrificing (in this case by taking up a 'day job' - horrors!) to support Glen's long shot at an uncertain music career? As the documentary closes, I was pondering the unevenness of the relationship between Glen and Peter and it's chances for longevity....or survival. I wonder if they are still together even one year after Naked Fame was released?

The truly frightening - even disturbing - character in all of this is songwriter (?) manager Kyle....his appearance alone was upsetting; (as one previous review said - he does look like the freakish Joyce Wildenstein plastic surgery monster featured in all the tabloids.) And the lip hair sticking out from his chin through most of the film was just plain bizarre. Kyle stands out not only for his truly bizarre appearance, but his truly despicable personality and behavior....it is clear that this is the real person behind that baked on mask in the film. And it is impossible to like or care about any aspect of him. Perhaps Kyles adds interest to the documentary because he is so extreme, so unlikable, and because it is obvious that the monster inside and out is who he really is.

So, all in all, this little documentary is an interesting take on a couple of gay porn celebrities faced with what to do with their lives after youth is done,the music stops, and responsibility for the rest of their lives is fast approaching. The sad fact may be that these guys most likely have the best years of their lives behind them....the future is looking kinda bleak. I wonder if they'll stay public enough for us to know 5 or 10 years from now....

Colton Ford is a drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man who I've always thought should be a major movie star. Instead, our 40-year-old hero chose to show all of himself in triple-X rated movies and is now a mega-famous gay porno star. This alone justifies high interest in this documentary by Chris Long as Ford attempts to shed his adult movie career and become instead a pop singer. I know, when you hear that this middle-aged man wants to become a male Madonna or Britney Spears, the tendency is to roll your eyes and think, Is He Mad? But, this is America, folks, where anything can happen. I mean, did you read about this homeless bum who is now a major celebrity because of his "golden voice." But anyway, we follow Ford and his boyfriend, equally gorgeous Blake Harper--another porno god--as they jump into the shark-infested waters of the music world and try to get exposure--of a different kind. Interspersed are some of the most suicidal and grim observations by porn filmmakers ever included on film. Chi Chi LaRue sets the tone with this cheery observation: "Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder if I should cut my throat before filming another sex scene." We're treated to a scalding hot appearance of Colt in a music video where he dances shirtless while singing. His physicality alone deserves the spotlight in some venue. I can see him doing a strip show in Las Vegas and bringing the house down.

One major weakness of this documentary is that director Chris Long gives us absolutely no back story about who Colton Ford is. We have no idea of what kind of kid he was growing up, how he got started in the porno business, why he chose to do sex roles. And there's absolutely no juicy footage of Ford in action. All we have is a split second of him fully clothed from some film.

But there is one curiously erotic moment included in this film that was probably unintentional. When the father of Colton Ford is interviewed, he comes across as one hot silver-haired bear of a man with a naughty twinkle in his eyes, especially when he grins and says, "Oh, yeah, I've considered doing a porno film. Haven't we all?" Well, no, but you can instantly see where Colton Ford got his hotness from. It would be ironic indeed if Pappy Ford decided to do a porno film just as his son exits the business.