Wanda Sykes credited as playing...
Rita
- Rita Daniels: [upon seeing Evan's beard] Evan, what happened? Did you fall down a mine shaft?
- Evan Baxter: No.
- Rita Daniels: Did you just come out of a coma?
- Evan Baxter: No!
- Rita Daniels: Were you attacked by a werewolf?
- Evan Baxter: No, I wasn't.
- Rita Daniels: Well, if you were going for that rugged look, I think you overshot it. You look like a bum in a suit! You need Supercuts *and* a shave.
- Evan Baxter: Ah, da-da, da, da! Right! Yeah! But I can't! It doesn't work!
- Rita Daniels: What do you mean, it doesn't work?
- Evan Baxter: It doesn't *work*!
- [Rita voices her disbelieve in Evan's ark]
- Rita Daniels: Look, I go to church every Sunday.
- [Evan doesn't believe her]
- Rita Daniels: OK, every *other* Sunday.
- [Evan still doesn't believe her]
- Rita Daniels: I've been to church! And that does not sound like God to me!
- Evan Baxter: Get on the Ark! Everyone on the Ark, now!
- Marty Stringer: I think we should get on the Ark.
- Eugene Tannenbaum: I agree. I think we should get on the Ark also.
- Rita Daniels: I'm cold, I'm wet, I'm going home.
- [the dam breaks and a wall of water comes at them]
- Rita Daniels: Ladies first! Move!
- Rita Daniels: [seeing Evan successfully calling all the animals to the ark] I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.
- Rita Daniels: [Evan's clothes have changed into his Noah outfit] Did you just make a wardrobe change? This isn't the Oscars. You're not Whoopi.
- Rita Daniels: [looking up at the Ark which is almost finished] Why couldn't the man just buy a Corvette?
- Evan Baxter: [he enters his new office] This is nice.
- Rita Daniels: It's too nice. There's something crooked going on around here.
- [sarcastically sniffs]
- Rita Daniels: Do you smell anthrax?
- [Rita sees over the security camera that Evan has shown up to the House conference meeting with his beard braided]
- Rita Daniels: Evan, what are you doing? You have a pony tail on your face! What are you gonna do next? Cornrow your eyebrows?
- Congressman Chuck Long: [stunned] How?
- Evan Baxter: The dam, Congressman. Your reservoir ruptured. Prestige Crest, it's all gone.
- Congressman Chuck Long: No, they said that couldn't happen, they... you did this, you set me up! You crazy son of a b...
- [Long gets spit up on by an alpaca]
- Rita Daniels: [to the alpaca] If that comes out your front, I don't even want to know what's coming out the back.
- [behind Evan, wolves begin growling lowly; Long steps back in fear]
- Evan Baxter: Don't look down, Congressman, but the wolves are here, although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves as those.
- [Long turns around to face a bunch of angry Congressmen who've heard of his deception]
- Evan Baxter: I'm... building something.
- Marty Stringer: You're building something?
- Rita Daniels: Well, *I* hope it's a barber shop!