Cameron Diaz credited as playing...
Princess Fiona
- Snow White: Right! Ladies, assume the position!
- [Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space]
- Princess Fiona: What are you doing?
- Sleeping Beauty: [Snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued.
- [falls back asleep]
- Princess Fiona: [after learning that Rapunzel is dating Prince Charming] Rapunzel! How could you?
- Rapunzel: Jealous, much?
- Queen Lillian: Hi-yah!
- [smashes wall with her head]
- Princess Fiona: Mom.
- Queen Lillian: What? You didn't think you inherited your fighting skills from your father?
- Shrek: Good morning.
- Princess Fiona: Good morning. Ooh, morning breath.
- Shrek: Yeah. Isn't it wonderful?
- King Harold: [coughs] I'm dying...
- Queen Lillian: Harold.
- King Harold: Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian.
- Queen Lillian: Of course, darling.
- King Harold: Fiona...
- Princess Fiona: Yes, Daddy?
- King Harold: I know I made many mistakes with you.
- Princess Fiona: It's okay.
- King Harold: But your love for Shrek has taught me so much.
- [to Shrek]
- King Harold: My dear boy, I'm proud to call you my son.
- Shrek: And I'm proud to call you my Frog... King dad-in-law.
- [at Fiona's baby shower, a group of birds gently place a flowered wreath on Fiona's head]
- Cinderella: Stunning.
- Snow White: Look at you.
- Rapunzel: Wow.
- Snow White: Look you darling.
- Sleeping Beauty: Just precious. Look at her.
- Rapunzel: So, have you had any cravings since you've been pregnant?
- Princess Fiona: [with her mouth full of cake] No, not at all.
- [sniffs]
- Princess Fiona: Do you smell ham?
- Princess Fiona: [feeling her stomach] Shrek!
- Shrek: [calling out to her] Yeah?
- Princess Fiona: Wait!
- Shrek: What is it?
- Princess Fiona: [taking a deep breath] I'm... I'm...
- [but was cut off by the ship captain's fog horn]
- Shrek: [laughs] I love you too, honey!
- Princess Fiona: No! No, I said I'm-
- [cut off by the fog horn again]
- Shrek: [grabs the fog horn from the captain, and throws it overboard] You're what?
- Princess Fiona: I said I'm pregnant!
- [the fairytale creatures cheer]
- Shrek: [can't believe his ears] Oh... what was that?
- Princess Fiona: You're going to be a father!
- Shrek: [nervous laugh] That's great.
- Princess Fiona: Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you!
- Shrek: [smiles back at Fiona] Yeah...
- [nervous laugh]
- Shrek: Me, too.
- Cinderella: Oh, Fiona, won't you please open mine first? It's the one in front.
- Princess Fiona: [reads the card] "Congratulations on your new mess maker..." oh, 'mess maker.'
- [laughs]
- Princess Fiona: "Hopefully this helps. Love, Cinderella."
- Shrek: I don't know how much longer I can keep this up Fiona.
- Princess Fiona: I'm sorry, Shrek, but can you please just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better.
- [Shrek lets out another frustrated sigh]
- Princess Fiona: Shrek?
- Shrek: Yeah.
- Princess Fiona: You look handsome.
- Shrek: Ah. Come here, you.
- [she gives him a supportive smile. He relaxes and smiles back. Fiona puckers up her lips and he leans in for a kiss, but their bulky outfits prevent it. They let out a huge breath of air]
- Shrek: Oh, my butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit.
- Princess Fiona: Just think... a couple more days and we'll be back home in our vermin-filled shack, strewn with fungus, filling with the rotting stench of mud and neglect.
- Shrek: Oh, you had me at "vermin-filled".
- Princess Fiona: And, uh.. maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor?
- Shrek: [laughs] That's right. The swamp rats are spawning.
- Princess Fiona: Uh, no... you know, what I was thinking of is a little bigger then a swamp rat.
- Shrek: Donkey?
- Princess Fiona: No, Shrek. Um... what if..
- Shrek: Yeah?
- Princess Fiona: They were little ogre feet.
- Snow White: So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot.
- Princess Fiona: No, we're gonna get inside and find out what Charming's up to.
- Princess Fiona: [turns to Snow White's present] Who's this one from?
- Snow White: I got you the biggest one because I love you the most.
- Princess Fiona: [reads the card] "Have one on me. Love, Snow White."
- [she pulls the string, opening the box to reveal a dwarf]
- Princess Fiona: "Um, what is it?
- Snow White: [laughs] He's a live-in babysitter.
- Nanny Dwarf: Where's the baby?
- Princess Fiona: You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this.
- Snow White: Think nothing of it. I've got six more at home.
- Princess Fiona: What does he do?
- Cinderella: The cleaning.
- Snow White: The feeding.
- Nanny Dwarf: The burping.
- Princess Fiona: What are Shrek and I supposed to do?
- Rapunzel: Well, now you'll have plenty of time to work on your marriage.
- Princess Fiona: Gee, thanks Rapunzel, and what's that suppose to mean?
- Rapunzel: Oh, come on now, Fiona. You know what happens.
- [Cinderella prods Sleeping Beauty]
- Sleeping Beauty: [wakes up] Huh? You're tired all the time.
- Snow White: You'll start letting yourself go.
- Gingy: Stretch marks.
- Rapunzel: Say goodbye to romance.
- [Dragon nods in agreement]
- Princess Fiona: Um sorry... but how many of you have kids?
- Doris: She's right. A baby is only gonna strengthen the love that Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? Tell me!
- Princess Fiona: Well, when he first found out, Shrek said...
- [get interrupted when Dragon alerts them]
- Snow White: [pacing back and forth] Have we had just stayed put like I suggested, we could be sipping tea out of little heart-shaped cups...
- Cinderella: [scrubbing the floor] Yeah... yeah, heart-shaped cups.
- Snow White: And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries.
- Cinderella: Yeah... loganberries.
- Snow White: [stops pacing] Shut up, Cindy.
- Cinderella: Yeah, shut up.
- Cinderella's Reflection: No, *you* shut up.
- Cinderella: Just stay out of this.
- Snow White: Who cares who's "running the kingdom" anyway?
- Princess Fiona: *I* care.
- Queen Lillian: And you all should care, too.