Joel McHale credited as playing...
Self - Host • Self
- Host: Nicole Kidman's not going to Tom Cruise's wedding. It's not that she's bitter, it's just that she's an actress and she doesn't feel like working that day.
- Host: For all the latest "American Idol" info, we go to E!'s own Ryan Seacrest. Oh, Ryan?
- Ryan Seacrest: Computer, I'd like a chocolate shake... with a whiskey chaser. I said a chocolate shake with a whiskey. Tom, I think the replicator's broken.
- Tom McNamara: That's not the replicator, Ryan. That's the live feed to "The Soup."
- Ryan Seacrest: Oh. Joel, I'd like a chocolate shake and a whiskey chaser. Tom, I think Joel's broken.
- Host: Only on the inside.
- Host: [on phone] You're a player. No, you're the playa! You! Okay, we're *both* playas! See you at the Cheesecake Factory!
- [on the children's show "Hip-Hop Harry"]
- "Stupid" Scott: I've never had dried apples - what are they?
- Host: That's when Hip-Hop Harry pulled out a gun and shot the kid.
- [on David Beckham's first soccer game in America]
- Host: Americans learned a lot about soccer that day; for instance, it's played by people who are over ten years old.
- Pat O'Brien: [comparing Britney Spears to Princess Diana] And, believe it or not, look at the similarities between Brit and the late princess: they both have two boys, both went through very public divorces, both romantically involved with men reportedly Moslem, and both stalked by the paparazzi.
- Host: Or, we could just focus on the way they're different, such as one was an advocate for world peace visiting land mine-covered war-torn countries, while the other stays up all night touring convenience stores in search of the perfect Twinkie.