Oliver Chris credited as playing...
Boyce
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Yes, I've died and gone to heaven, females are fighting over their pants. They're going to rip each other's clothes off!
- Boyce: I'm getting a semi.
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Semi? What's wrong with you boy, I'm like a flagpole!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Boyce, you're friends with Mac and Guy. Who's the biggest scumbag?
- Boyce: Guy. Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Guy? Why Guy?
- Boyce: He once ethically objected to resuscitating a woman with an A-cup.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: An egg cup?
- Boyce: No, an A-cup, small puppies. He said it wasn't worth saving less than a handful.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Dear God!
- Boyce: Mine says "Lowers sperm count" what does yours say?
- Naughty Rachel: "May cause miscarriage"
- [They swap cigarette packets and start smoking]
- Dr. Alan Statham: To whit...
- Boyce: T' whoo?
- Dr. Alan Statham: I am not an Owl, Boyce.
- Boyce: Although you are rather feathery, aren't you, to the touch?
- Dr. Alan Statham: No, and I suppose you're about to launch into an absurd story about waking up in my bed after a slave auction and having to borrow my pants!
- Boyce: Here you go. Haven't had a chance to wash them yet...
- Boyce: [Martin has swallowed Karen's cellphone to stop her getting an "it's over" voicemail he didn't really mean] Don't worry, Martin, it'll go straight through you. Like sweetcorn!
- Boyce: Guy, Mac's awake. He's come out of his coma, Guy.
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: That's great, if he's out of his coma, then I haven't murdered anybody!
- Dr. Alan Statham: [panic attack] Boyce, kiss me! Give me the kiss of life!
- Boyce: No way! You're still breathing.
- Dr. Alan Statham: You must revive me with the breath of your body.
- Boyce: Oh, God. Okay.
- [passionately revives Dr. Statham]
- Dr. Alan Statham: What have you been eating?
- Boyce: Kim.
- Boyce: [dressed as a nurse] Well, Dr. Statham, I'd quite like to see you after work.
- Dr. Alan Statham: Ah, I don't know about that.
- Boyce: C'mon give me a hug.
- [hugs him]
- Dr. Alan Statham: Let go.
- Boyce: No, I don't want to.
- Dr. Alan Statham: Let go.
- Boyce: I will if you say yes.
- Dr. Alan Statham: Okay, yes.
- Boyce: Okay. Swing by the Tandoori Palace around seven.
- Dr. Alan Statham: Oh, I can swing with the best of them, don't you worry about that!
- Dr. Martin Dear: I've just pulled!
- Boyce: Really, who?
- Dr. Martin Dear: [talking like a stud] Oh, a bit of office totty.
- Boyce: Marty!
- Dr. Martin Dear: Boycey!
- Boyce: Marty!
- Dr. Martin Dear: Boycey!
- Boyce: Marty!
- Dr. Martin Dear: Boycey!
- Boyce: Marty!
- Dr. Martin Dear: Boycey!
- Boyce: Marty!
- Dr. Martin Dear: Boycey!
- Boyce: STOP IT!
- Boyce: [tequila slammers] If you're still standing after this one, I'll let you put your hand down my pants.
- Naughty Rachel: Oh, God!
- [They all drink and Rachel runs off to be sick]
- Kim Alabaster: Still standing...
- Kim Alabaster: [yelling in the corridors] Hey, fucker!
- Boyce: Hi, Slag!
- Kim Alabaster: Why you walking like that, get lucky?
- Boyce: Yeah!
- Kim Alabaster: Anyone I should be worried about?
- Boyce: Just some Totty with Top Tits!
- [they meet up and snog]
- Boyce: You're a Christian, you have to Forgive me!
- Dr. Alan Statham: Well, lately I've been adopting a more Agnostic approach.
- [hits Boyce with his pointer]