Tamsin Greig credited as playing...
Dr. Caroline Todd
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Please can I have a quick word?
- Dr. Macartney: Zoom. Whoosh. There's two for you.
- [walks off]
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Kissing in the toilet?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Yes... who sang Kissing In The Toilets in 1978?
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Er... was it a young George Michael?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Yes.
- [leaves]
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Fucking hell, that was a guess!
- [sings]
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Kissing in the toilet - don't flush, it's lush...
- Dr. Caroline Todd: How was the interview?
- Dr. Macartney: Not sure... think I might have used the words 'job', 'stick', 'up' and 'arse' all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Well I... I think tone of voice is very important.
- Dr. Macartney: Is it, is it? Damn. Shit. Excuse me, I have some patients to see.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Boyce, you're friends with Mac and Guy. Who's the biggest scumbag?
- Boyce: Guy. Guy, Guy, Guy, Guy.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Guy? Why Guy?
- Boyce: He once ethically objected to resuscitating a woman with an A-cup.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: An egg cup?
- Boyce: No, an A-cup, small puppies. He said it wasn't worth saving less than a handful.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Dear God!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Here's to goats with hooves! May they never fall off the mountain and break their spindly legs!
- Dr. Angela Hunter: What did you do before Alcohol became the centre of your life?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Homework.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I always thought those kinds of schools were so cruel. You think of these poor kids left in front of those large, cold Victorian buildings with all their luggage, crying.
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: That's rubbish because... my school was Edwardian.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: They don't know anyone, they don't know where they're supposed to go. What kind of parents would do that to their child?
- Dr. Macartney: Guy's.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: [at Caroline's housewarming party. Caroline is standing in the doorway saying goodbye to some people. Sue White jumps up to her] Bye, bye, um, thanks for coming. Oh, oh, you were here...? Well, thank you for coming.
- Sue White: [she leans in and speaks to Caroline's breasts] Thank you, Dr Trodd, for inviting me to your party...
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I didn't know I did, but you were here and now you're going so that's all that matters.
- Sue White: [leans in and kisses her passionately]
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I've been sick.
- Sue White: [with her hands on her own breasts] Well, so have I. And I am completely shaved!
- [panting]
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Sue White: Bye-bye then. I'll see you at work, okay?
- [sings and skips away]
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I do like him.
- Sue White: I see.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: In a non-professional way.
- Sue White: Ah.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: And I work with him every day so...
- [Sue makes strange gagging noises]
- Dr. Caroline Todd: What?
- Sue White: Nothing. It's - er - you work with him every day?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Yeah.
- Sue White: Guy?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: No.
- Sue White: The other one?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Yeah.
- Sue White: [close to tears] The - er - the one with the lion's mane?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I - w - yeah.
- Sue White: I see. Well, Dr Trod, maybe you've had your chance with him. Maybe it's too late. Maybe someone else deserves to take priority. Maybe you should just STAY AWAY or pay the price. Mmm, mmm? Now maybe you should think about that. You've been warned, lady.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: [Final advice to a school tour] Don't get ill. We make you very sleepy and do terrible things to you.
- Dr. Alan Statham: Welcome to the lunatic asylum!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: What, "You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps"?
- Dr. Alan Statham: Well, I don't know about that, although the Trust is an Equal Opportunities Employer so some of the Secretarial Staff might be a bit...
- [twirls a finger by his head]
- Joanna Clore: [bored of him] Oh, God!
- [Drags Carol away]
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: You should be with someone... less nice!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Go away and think about how little sense that makes.
- Jake: [Carol's dumped him] Well, you did that very well, thank you.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Oh, no, don't be so nice. At least get angry or shout or something.
- Jake: No, I'm not going to get angry and shout about BEING STRUNG ALONG BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW THEIR OWN MIND, WHO EVERYONE CAN SEE WHO SHE SHOULD BE WITH BUT HER because shouting never really solves anything, does it?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: [has been interviewing for a lodger] All I've had so far are Psychopaths.
- Dr. Angela Hunter: Ah, well, I'm not a Psychopath! HA HA HA HAAA! I'm not!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: That's not what I knew, actually. I just had some frankly weak material about an embarrassing middle name. I didn't know any of that stuff.
- Dr. Guilaume Secretan: Ah.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I do now, though. What a lot of things I know. I'm a walking encyclopedia...
- Dr. Caroline Todd: What happened the day of the accident?
- Dr. Macartney: What accident?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Ooooooh! Bollocking shitbags!
- Dr. Caroline Todd: Did you just throw your breast at me?
- Sue White: No. Do you want me to?
- Dr. Caroline Todd: No.
- Dr. Caroline Todd: I don't think I like your tone tonight, Martin.
- Dr. Martin Dear: [looks in other direction] Fuck off.