Katie Lyons credited as playing...
Naughty Rachel
- Boyce: Mine says "Lowers sperm count" what does yours say?
- Naughty Rachel: "May cause miscarriage"
- [They swap cigarette packets and start smoking]
- Karen Ball: [online game] I don't want to be in Slytherin!
- Naughty Rachel: You can't go back. The decision of the Sorting Hat is always final!
- Karen Ball: [runs off crying]
- Kim Alabaster: [starts after her]
- Naughty Rachel: No! Careful! It might be a Slytherin trick...
- Kim Alabaster: Why are you hiding under your desk?
- Karen Ball: I thought I saw a Clanger!
- Kim Alabaster: [hides too]
- Naughty Rachel: Poop-poop poop poop poop!
- Naughty Rachel: Oooh, Karen, Dr Martin Dear isn't-he-queer is on his way!
- Karen Ball: Oh my God! How do I look?
- Naughty Rachel: ...Rough.
- Boyce: [tequila slammers] If you're still standing after this one, I'll let you put your hand down my pants.
- Naughty Rachel: Oh, God!
- [They all drink and Rachel runs off to be sick]
- Kim Alabaster: Still standing...
- Naughty Rachel: [kicks him]
- Clerk: Ah, dammit!
- Naughty Rachel: Sorry, Joanna says you're not allowed to use the photocopier for personal use.
- Clerk: I suppose you were just following orders, then. Listen, would you like to go out sometime?
- Naughty Rachel: Sure, and just so you know, I always fuck on the first date.