Skarecrow

(2005) Dark Harvest 3- Skarecrow HORROR

Great looking poster and that's not saying much for this straight-for-rental horror flick like it was made as a quick class project since it was filmed via cam corder with some second rate acting and body doubles were used, about teenage redneck along with his friends deciding to visit an isolated cabin for the weekend, unsuspecting that a curse was made years earlier! The last remaining relative wakes a planted scarecrow by accidentally splashing it with his girlfriends blood by smacking her for the first time- how convenient! And of course, this Scarecrow starts slashing everyone in plain view sight. There's also supposed to be a surprise near the end which some should be able to figure out at the beginning.

I came across "Dark Harvest 3" (a.k.a. "Skarecrow" apparently) in the supermarket bargain bin and got suckered due to the cool DVD cover art and cheap price (thankfully it only cost me $3.99). I hadn't seen the previous 2 "Dark Harvest" movies but I figured, how much back story could there be in a movie series about killer scarecrows anyway? Thankfully (or perhaps not) it turns out that this flick doesn't have any connection to the prior "D.H." films anyway, it was just a quickie, ultra-low-budget indie horror flick that Lions Gate snapped up and attached the "Dark Harvest" name to it. Whether you want to call it "Skarecrow" or "Dark Harvest 3," the fact remains that the "film" is completely, utterly, unwatchable.

The film's opening flashback takes place in "The Tennessee Backwoods" circa 1921, where a gang of moonshiners have just killed an old woman and stolen her land for use in their criminal enterprise. Unfortunately this particular old woman happened to be a witch, and before dying she placed a curse on her property, which causes her scarecrow to come to life and dispatch the sleeping moonshiners with a variety of farming implements. Sounds fine so far, but unfortunately this sequence is so dark and grainy that it's damn near impossible to tell what's going on. If the photography in "Blair Witch Project" gave you a headache, expect this bit to cause an Instant Migraine. As soon as this introduction ended and the opening credits rolled, I knew I was in for a rough ride.

Flash forward to 1981, and a group of annoying twenty somethings (none of whom appear to like each other very much) are headed off to the woods on an annual camping outing. They plan to stay at a remote cabin in the middle of the woods (shades of "Evil Dead," though this film wishes it were one tenth as good as that classic) owned by the family of one of the gang. Upon arrival the group takes part in the usual slasher film activities for a while, i.e. getting drunk, having sex, and getting on each other's nerves, until one of the gals gets her head lopped off in mid-coitus by the evil scarecrow. Turns out the cabin is on the witch's former property and her guardian is still hangin' around protecting the place. Predictable, poorly shot, badly acted mayhem ensues.

Honestly, I wish I had something good to say about "Dark Harvest 3" but there really isn't one redeeming quality about it. The film looks cheap (shot on video perhaps?), the script sucks, and the performances are uniformly awful. Not ONCE will you get the feeling that these "actors" are paying attention to anything other than the cue cards that were doubtlessly being held off camera. (Just listen to the way one guy drones "Oh, baby...that feels so good" during a sex scene. Come on, if you can't even fake THAT convincingly, then there's no hope for you!) The characters spend so much time screaming and yelling at each other that I couldn't wait for the scarecrow to wipe them all out just so they'd shut the hell up. There are one or two decent gore bits but even those weren't enough to save this turkey.

Remember folks, I watch movies like these so YOU don't have to. "Dark Harvest 3"/"Skarecrow" was 90 excruciating minutes of my life that I'll never get back. If you come across this puppy in the bargain bin, treat it as if it's an explosive device and leave it on the shelf. Don't say I didn't warn you!

I bought this movie on a whim because the cover looked good and thought I'd be seeing a legit horror movie. When I put this in and it looked like it was filmed on a VHS tape with "actors" who were comically reading their lines.

Literally, this has to be the most godawful piece of cinematic crap in history.

This movie makes Troll 2 seem like the Godfather in comparison.

It truly is amazing how every single thing about this movie is so perfectly bad. You couldn't make a movie this bad if you tried.

Stay away from this movie unless you are into some sort of self torture thing. I mean there are conceivably worse things you could do with your time, but its hard to imagine what that might be. If it comes down to watching this movie and being sodomized by a rabid goat, well, I might go with the goat.

Dark Harvest 3: Scarecrow: 1 out of 10: In Einstein's theory of relativity time is of the perspective of the one that views time. (Or so I've heard) In other words this movie feels a lot longer that an hour and change. Even on fast-forward (And you will be reaching for that fast forward button) it clocks in somewhere around eternity.

If you are familiar with Lionsgate's own version of Project Greenlight (This is where they buy a home movie but a fancy cover on it and sneak it into the horror section of your local Wal-Mart) you will not be surprised by the complete and utter lack of entertainment value contained within.

The line reading (I refuse to call it acting) is uniformly awful. This is a collection of deadbeat dads and strippers pretending to be in a movie between cans of Schlitz. The camera work is drunken father shooting vacation film quality and while the special effects are okay the scariest effect is the breast augmentation scars in the nude scene.

The story is awful, the sets are from a haunted Halloween put on by ADHD middle school students and once again the line reading (remember this is not acting anymore than sinking to the bottom of a pool is swimming) is distracting beyond mere words. Avoid.

OK i gave this a three A three! It deserves only one star no questions asked.

If your going to look at the movie seriously and take it as a legit B-Horror movie than yes it will get one star. But i believe it is apparent within the first minutes of the movie what we are dealing with is a piece of crap.

With this movie me and the buddy i was watching it with could of turned it off and put on something more "Hollywood" but instead we just decided to rip this whole movie apart from start to finish. We laughed so many times it was almost if i was watching a comedy.

The acting is terrible..... The effects and death sequences are so bad.... The Story complete crap.....

But the fact they are trying to make a serious horror movie..Priceless!

The most memorable part for me is when two of the characters are walking in a supposed "dark basement" which is clearly lit, and they pretend to not be able to see bumping into bones hanging from the ceiling bahahahaha just terrible.....

So if you want to laugh at how crappy this movie is, along with the fact it was made in 2004 than see this movie....

Wait why am i writing so much? no one knows about this movie...i doubt anyone will even read this hahahaha.