Simon Cowell credited as playing...
Self
- Donkey: It's Donkey Time!
- [singing]
- Donkey: Uh yeah, the heat was on/Rising to the top, oh yeah/Everybody goin' strong!/That's when my spark got hotter/I heard somebody say/Burn, baby, burn!
- [His sweetheart, Dragon, laying near him on the stage, blows some fire near him that apparently misses]
- Donkey: Disco Inferno!/Burn, baby, burn!
- Simon Cowell: You're on fire, donkey!
- Donkey: [still singing] Burn, baby, burn!
- Shrek: No! You're really on fire!
- Donkey: Oh, yeah, yeah...
- [looks and sees that his tail is on fire]
- Donkey: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- [Runs around on the stage in panic leaving a trail of smoke]
- Puss In Boots: [singing] You keep saying, you got something for me/Something that you call love, but confess.
- [he jumps out of his boots after Tinkerbell enchants them with pixie dust and they move in sync with his feet beside him as he continues]
- Puss In Boots: These boots are made for walking and that's just what they'll do... Arriba!/Cos one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you!
- [he backflips into his boots]
- Simon Cowell: Well, the cat's got my tongue, and possibly my vote.
- [turns over to see that Shrek and Fiona have gone on stage]
- Simon Cowell: Ugh, always breaking the rules.
- Pinocchio: [singing] Domo Arigato, Mr. Robotto/Domo, Domo...
- Simon Cowell: Come on, get real, Pinocchio.
- Shrek: I find his performance quite wooden actually.
- [laughs about the joke he just made]
- Shrek: Wooden.
- [Fiona giggles along with him]
- Prince Charming: I'm too sexy for my shirt / Too sexy my shirt / So sexy it hurts...
- [Ugly Stepsister flirts with him from backstage]
- Prince Charming: And I'm a model / You know what I mean / And I shake my little tush on the cat...
- [Shrek and Fiona open trapdoor under him, he falls in with the microphone landing on the the trapdoor a moment after it closes with the Ugly Stepsister looking shocked]
- Simon Cowell: That's the artist formerly known as Prince... Charming.