Nosher Powell credited as playing...
Fingers
- [Julian and George find a rundown hut with rusting cars, bank safes and coffins lying around outside]
- Julian: Look, that car's got no motor tax.
- George: Maybe it belongs to an illegal immigrant.
- Julian: I shouldn't be surprised.
- George: What a strange, desolate place.
- [Julian knocks on the door. A huge, hairy man wearing a tatty string vest and sunglasses steps out]
- Dirty Dick: [Cockney accent] Yeah?
- Julian: Ah, good evening. Uh, we're the Famous Five and we're camping down by the lake and we need some food. We'd like some free range eggs, you own home-baked bread, some of your own cured bacon and your own honey and some tomatoes from your garden would do splendidly.
- Dirty Dick: Oh yeah? What do think this is, 'Arrods? Come on, piss off now! And don't speak to any coppers about me!
- Julian: I don't think I really like the tone of your voice.
- Fingers: [offscreen - also has a Cockney accent] 'Oo's that, then Dick? It's not the rozzers, I 'ope!
- Dirty Dick: Nah, just a couple of smarmy brats!
- Fingers: Tell 'em to scarper! There's some more dirty work to do.
- George: Wait a minute! You must be Dirty Dick.
- Dirty Dick: [nervous] No, no, my name's not Dirty Dick. It's er, it's er... Dirty Douglas!
- Julian: Look here. There's something very queer going on. What exactly are you doing in there?
- Dirty Dick: Oh, so you've tumbled our game, have you?
- Fingers: What's that? What's that? Are we done for, Dirty?
- Dirty Dick: Sorry, Fingers. I'm afraid we're bang to rights this time.
- Fingers: Let's make a run for it, Dirty! You start the car while I grab the sparklers. We can still get away with it!
- Dirty Dick: It's no good, Fingers! These kids are far too clever for us! We'll get 15 years each for this!
- Fingers: Oh, no! Not another stretch in clink! I'm gonna take the easy way out!
- [sound of a gunshot, then a thud]
- George: Urgh! What a horrid, common voice he's got!
- Dirty Dick: Oh well, I suppose I'd better go down to the police station and get nicked, then.
- Dirty Dick: Right. Let's run through our evil plan once more, Mr. Knuckles.
- Fingers: Right you are, Mr. Lenin.
- [inside the tent]
- Dick: [whispering] Wake up, Ju. I can hear voices.
- Julian: I can't hear anything.
- Dick: Listen. There it is again.
- Fingers: Blah, blah, blah, stolen plans, blah, blah, blah, missing scientist, blah, blah, blah.
- Dick: Shh.
- Fingers: Blah, blah, blah, atom bomb, blah, blah, blah, Third World War, blah, blah, blah.
- Dick: Shh!
- Fingers: Blah, blah, blah, Kneecap Hill, blah, blah, blah, top secret, blah, blah, blah, kidnapped boy, blah, blah, blah, everything ties up, blah, blah, blah.
- Dick: Shh! Missing scientists? Kneecap Hill? Do me a favour? Big secret? What do you think it all means?
- Julian: I'm not sure, Dick, but it all sounds very queer!