Phylicia Rashad credited as playing...
Clair Huxtable
- Clair Huxtable: [Clair and Theo come inside the house with Theo bringing in a box containing a new shirt he just purchased at Bookman's]
- [to Theo]
- Clair Huxtable: I don't care what you say. I still say I should have gone in.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Hey! Back from shopping. How was it?
- Theo Huxtable: Great! Only had one fight.
- Clair Huxtable: Started the moment we left, and it hasn't finished yet!
- [Theo sits with Cliff on the sofa]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Now, what happened?
- Clair Huxtable: I took him to Bookman's, he told me I couldn't go in!
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, Bookman's is a men's wear store.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [to Clair, clearing his throat] Men's wear store. No mothers allowed.
- Theo Huxtable: She probably wanted to go into the dressing room with me.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Hey man, she goes in with me!
- [nodding while looking at the box]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Is this the shirt?
- Theo Huxtable: Wait until you see it!
- [opens the box]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [to Clair] Have you seen it?
- Clair Huxtable: [suspiciously] Through the window.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Alright.
- Theo Huxtable: [to Cliff] At first, I felt funny about charging it. But after I said I was your son, they said, "No problem."
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yeah. Well, they love me at Bookman's. I make the clothes look good.
- Theo Huxtable: [stands up and holds up a yellow long sleeve shirt with blue trim] Here it is.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: A-ha.
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, when I wear this on my date with Christine, *ooh*, she is gonna die!
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [grinning] Bookman's does it again! How much is it?
- Theo Huxtable: See the label? Gordon Gartrelle! This is the shirt.
- Clair Huxtable: Gordon Gartrelle is a big designer.
- Theo Huxtable: Check out these details. Hidden buttons.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Um-hmm.
- Theo Huxtable: Flap on the back.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yeah.
- Theo Huxtable: Two-tone pocket.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Work of art!
- [pause]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: How much?
- Theo Huxtable: But the real thrill, in fact, is pure silk.
- [Cliff tries to grab the shirt]
- Theo Huxtable: Are your hands clean?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Doctors' hands are always clean.
- Theo Huxtable: I know why, they're always washing them!
- [laughs and slaps his thighs]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Ha-haa. How much?
- [louder]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: How much?
- [slower]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: *HOW MUCH*?
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, if you want quality, you're gonna have to pay for it.
- [Cliff looks for and finds a receipt in the box, unfolds it and takes a long look it, then looks at Theo, who grins. Then Cliff looks at the receipt again]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: 95 dollars.
- Clair Huxtable: Oh, well, there must be a pair of pants in there too!
- [looks in the box and after not finding a pair of pants, gives Theo a cold stare]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [slowly to Theo] 95 dollars?
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, the salesman said this will last a lifetime. And just think, if I live to be 90, that's about a dollar a year!
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Theo, I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a job!
- Theo Huxtable: Don't you want something better for your son?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Sure. Do you want to trade your room for that shirt?
- Theo Huxtable: No.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Alright, then. The shirt goes back.
- Theo Huxtable: But Dad, I told Christine I was getting a Gordon Gartrelle!
- [Cliff takes the shirt, refolds it and puts it back in the box]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Tell Christine you lied!
- Theo Huxtable: Dad!
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [emphatically] No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he is on stage with his four brothers!
- [reaches in his pocket and pulls out money for Theo to take]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: I'll give you 30 dollars.
- Theo Huxtable: [stands up, incredulous] *Thirty*?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Alright, then-*FIVE*!
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, for thirty dollars I can't even get a Gordon Gartrelle tie!
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Oh, what are you? A personal friend of this man? Now, you take 30 dollars and get yourself a nice, 30-dollar shirt!
- Theo Huxtable: Can you make it 35?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: I can make it *nothing*!
- Theo Huxtable: Mom?
- Clair Huxtable: I'd grab it!
- Theo Huxtable: [takes the money] You guys are ruining my life!
- [Cliff threatens to take the money back]
- Theo Huxtable: But I don't mind!