Bill Cosby credited as playing...
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable
- [while Elvin waits for Sondra, Clair offers coffee for him and Cliff; Elvin is surprised]
- Elvin Tibideaux: I'm sorry, Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
- Clair Huxtable: What kind of thing?
- Elvin Tibideaux: You know... serve.
- Clair Huxtable: Serve whom?
- Elvin Tibideaux: [indicating Cliff] Serve him.
- Clair Huxtable: [with a tense smile] Oh, serve *him*. As in "serve your man"?
- Elvin Tibideaux: Well, yeah.
- Clair Huxtable: [now visibly indignant] Let me tell you something, Elvin. You see, I am not "serving" Dr. Huxtable, okay?
- Elvin Tibideaux: Okay.
- Clair Huxtable: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am going to bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And *that*, young man, is what marriage is made of: it is give-and-take fifty-fifty. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you are never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere any place any time EVER.
- [pauses, then smiles graciously]
- Clair Huxtable: Now, what would you like in your coffee?
- Elvin Tibideaux: [shaken] Maybe I can get *you* some coffee.
- Clair Huxtable: Elvin, that's alright. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
- [Clair takes the tray to the kitchen; Elvin slowly sits down and looks at Cliff, scared]
- Cliff: Elvin?
- Elvin Tibideaux: Yes, sir?
- Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you, I wouldn't drink it.
- Theo Huxtable: What's going on?
- Denise Huxtable: Sondra broke up with Elvin.
- Theo Huxtable: Again?
- Denise Huxtable: Yes.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yeah.
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, can I check into a hotel?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Nah, son. We want you here to suffer with the rest of us.
- Clair Huxtable: How are you doing?
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Fine.
- Clair Huxtable: Oh, that's great. You know, Sondra, the word around the house is that you and Elvin broke up.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Again.
- Clair Huxtable: Do you want to talk about it?
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Not really.
- Clair Huxtable: But you might feel better if you do.
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Well, I don't want to feel better.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Well, the rest of the family wants you to.
- Denise Huxtable: Mom, Dad, we have a problem.
- Clair Huxtable: What's the matter?
- Denise Huxtable: Sondra broke up with Elvin.
- Clair Huxtable, Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Again?
- Denise Huxtable: Again. See, I'm trying to sleep and Sondra's upstairs singing about crickets and dead flowers.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Why do you keep going back to this boy?
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: Well, Dad, because he's wonderful. He's intelligent, he has a good sense of humor, and we have a great time together.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: When?
- [Clair hits Cliff]
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: When we're not fighting.
- Clair Huxtable: Well, when is that?
- [Cliff hits Clair]
- Sondra Huxtable Tibideaux: When he's not out with the guys.
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, it's not fair. Now I was trying to have a glass of milk...
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Sondra?
- Theo Huxtable: Now I'm in there, minding my own business, and she comes in and says, "You men!" And so, then she starts to tell me just because I'm a guy, I think the world revolves around me. So I say, "Sondra, I'm sorry. Here." I gave her the glass. So then she says, "Well, you say you're sorry, but you don't really mean it."
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Why don't you, uh, go outside of the house and stay out for a while?
- Theo Huxtable: Dad, then you'll be the only man in the house. I don't want to leave you alone.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: I think I can handle it.
- [Denise comes downstairs]
- Denise Huxtable: Dad.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Hmm?
- Theo Huxtable: Are you okay, Denise?
- Denise Huxtable: Yeah, right.
- [Theo leaves]
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Huh?
- Denise Huxtable: You have to do something about her. I'm trying to type my term paper and she's sitting on the bed, griping about Elvin. She was gone for a minute, Dad, and she came back even madder mumbling about men and milk.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Elvin.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Yes?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [chuckles] Elvin...
- Elvin Tibideaux: Yes?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: You're making my house a wreck.
- Elvin Tibideaux: I know, sir.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: I'm not too sure if you do, son. A brother cannot drink a glass of milk in this house.
- Elvin Tibideaux: I've been very inconsiderate with Sondra, I admit.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yes.
- Elvin Tibideaux: That's why I came over.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Mm-hmm.
- Elvin Tibideaux: I want to apologize to her.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Again.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Again. And... And to tell her that things are going to be different.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Again.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Yeah, again.
- [Clair comes downstairs]
- Clair Huxtable: Elvin.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Hello, Mrs. Huxtable.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Hi.
- Clair Huxtable: [notices Elvin's flowers] Oh.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Elvin brought flowers for Sondra, dear.
- Clair Huxtable: Again.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Again.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Dr. Huxtable?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Yes, son?
- Elvin Tibideaux: Your wife goes to work and you cook?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Right.
- Elvin Tibideaux: Well, doesn't it ever bother you that when you come home at night, there's not always a hot meal waiting for you?
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: Oh, no. Sometimes my wife comes home and there's no hot meal waiting for her. Wh-What's your point?
- Elvin Tibideaux: Well, I-I just feel it confuses things when a woman works. My mother works, and I don't like it. You know, sometimes when I come home, there's nothing to eat.
- Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable: [chuckles] Well, heh, are your... are your hands broken?