Felicity Huffman credited as playing...
Lynette Scavo
- Susan Mayer: I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for lunch.
- Gabrielle Solis: It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
- Lynette: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.
- Lynette: You are going to behave today. I am not gonna be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And, just so you know that I'm serious, I am...
- [takes a piece of paper out of her pocket]
- Porter Scavo: What's that?
- Lynette: Santa's cell-phone number!
- Preston Scavo: How'd you get that?
- Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Are you willing to risk that?
- Lynette: What are you doing? We are at a wake!
- Preston Scavo: When we got here you said we could go in the pool.
- Lynette: I said you could go by the pool. Do you have your swimsuits on?
- Preston Scavo: Yeah, we put them on under our clothes before we left.
- Lynette: Oh, wait, I got to tell you. I was having trouble with swelling so the doctor took me off the pill, so you're just gonna have to put on a condom.
- Tom Scavo: A condom?
- Lynette: Yeah.
- Tom Scavo: What's the big deal? Let's risk it.
- Lynette: Let's risk it?
- Tom Scavo: Yeah.
- [Lynette punches him in the face]