Thomas Gibson credited as playing...
Greg Montgomery
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: [explaining why she accepted Donald's invitation to his high school dance] Come on, Greg! He's only 16 years old, and he's really awkward with girls.
- Greg Montgomery: Well, how's it going to help him to walk into a dance with a tall, blonde... never mind.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Plus, I was home schooled. You know, I never got to go to one of these things. It'll be fun!
- Greg Montgomery: Far be it from me to let our marriage get in the way of your dating.
- Donald: [upon seeing Dharma in her dress for the homecoming dance] Wow.
- Greg Montgomery: [annoyed] Yeah, "wow."
- [Greg tells Dharma that he persuaded his mother to drop her $1.5 million lawsuit against Dharma's father on the condition that he submit to a binding arbitration hearing at their apartment on Saturday]
- Greg Montgomery: Oh no, Greg, Saturday's no good. Donald just invited me to the big homecoming dance.
- Greg Montgomery: Well, I hope you said yes, 'cause my life isn't weird enough.
- Greg Montgomery: Mother, I'm not representing you.
- Kitty Montgomery: Well, "thank you for sending me to law school!"
- [At the beginning of an arbitration between Greg's mother Kitty and Dharma's father Larry, with Pete as the arbitrator, Larry begins his opening statement with a reading of the U.S. Constitution and begins to read the Magna Carta]
- Greg Montgomery: I object!
- Larry Finkelstein: On what grounds?
- Greg Montgomery: On the grounds that you-you, you scared my mother, she fell down, went boom, end of story! Why are you making this so complicated?
- Larry Finkelstein: Your honor, that's not an objection. That's a speech!
- Pete Cavanaugh: That's quite right, Mr. Finkelstein. Objection overruled.
- Greg Montgomery: Uh, permission to approach the bench?
- Pete Cavanaugh: For what purpose?
- Greg Montgomery: To kill you.
- Pete Cavanaugh: Denied. Continue, Mr. Finkelstein.