Dick Van Dyke credited as playing...
Rob Petrie
- Rob Petrie: Let's neck.
- Laura Petrie: Now quit kidding around.
- Rob Petrie: I'm not kidding around. I wanna neck.
- Rob Petrie: Aw, what kind of a party would it be if they can't eat the house along WITH the volcano?
- [Buddy, Sally and Rob try to devise a game show sketch for Alan Brady]
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, I got the game show! It-it's like "What's My Line?" only it's called "What Was This Fellow's Name Before He Changed It To What It Is Now, And Why Did He Change It, Do You Think?"
- Sally Rogers: Is that the title or the whole show?
- Buddy Sorrell: No, that's the idea of the thing. They bring a fellow in, they say "This man manufactures golf sweaters, and he calls him..." - you know, if he likes it - so "he calls himself Sam Golfsweater," cause he wants everyone to know he makes golf sweaters."
- Sally Rogers: All right, what was his name before he changed it?
- Buddy Sorrell: Al Paca!
- Sally Rogers: Get outta here.
- Buddy Sorrell: No, no...
- Sally Rogers: BUDDY!
- Buddy Sorrell: You'll like it. It'll grown on you.
- Sally Rogers: I don't want anything to grow on me!
- Buddy Sorrell: One-one-one more. One more. A girl lives in Pennsylvania, and she's so proud of her home state, she calls herself Patricia Pittsburgh.
- Sally Rogers, Rob Petrie: [together, with threatening fists] What was her name before she changed it?
- Buddy Sorrell: Phyllis Adelphia.
- Sally Rogers: [chasing him to the sofa] Ohh, Buddy!
- Laura Petrie: I'm trying to decide when to have Ritchie's birthday.
- Rob Petrie: I thought we decided that about eight years ago.
- Rob Petrie: Doesn't he at least get a good old-fashioned birthday cake?
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, when they go to the ice cream volcano.
- Rob Petrie: Volcano?
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, instead of lava, they use hot fudge.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, you can't handle 63 kids all by yourself.
- Laura Petrie: By myself?
- Rob Petrie: Somebody has to go out for the birthday cake.
- Laura Petrie: Darling, it won't take all day to pick up the cake.
- Rob Petrie: Well, it will if I work it right.