Dick Van Dyke credited as playing...
Rob Petrie
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Are all you Sorrells as funny as Buddy?
- Blackie Sorrell: No, uh... My mother was very strict. She said you can't all be funny. One of you has to be handsome. Well...
- [strikes a pose and smiles]
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: You made a wise choice.
- Blackie Sorrell: Actually we're all handsome in my family, but Buddy just hides it better than I do.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I see.
- Blackie Sorrell: We're all salesmen, too. Buddy sells jokes and I sell real estate.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Hey, you ought to go into business together and sell funny real estate.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: [Rob, Sally, and Buddy are going to read their sketch to Alan] C'mon, gang.
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: Wait a minute. You and Sally read.
- [Points to Buddy]
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: Not him.
- Buddy Sorrell: What do you want me to do?
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: You can...
- [pauses, silently walks over, and puts four quarters into the insult jar]
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: That's for what I was THINKING.
- Blackie Sorrell: Are you, uh, really as good as she says you are?
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: I'll let my pool cue speak for me. This way, pigeon.
- Blackie Sorrell: Cute wife you have, Rob.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: No, she's isn't. She just puts that on for company.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Well, Mel, is Alan ready to hear the sketch?
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: Yes, and I hope it's good.
- Robert 'Rob' Petrie: Oh, it is.
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: Then I'll read it to Alan.
- Sally Rogers: YOU are gonna read our comedy sketch to Alan?
- Melvin 'Mel' Cooley: Why not?
- Buddy Sorrell: That's like Benedict Arnold reading the Declaration of Independence.