Neil Patrick Harris credited as playing...
Dr. Doogie Howser
- Dr. Doogie Howser: [after meeting Roy's second wife] That was your wife? And the one in the cafeteria was...
- [Roy lifts his arms]
- Dr. Doogie Howser: You have two wives, like, together?
- Roy Lester: Now, now, just calm down. It's just of those things.
- Dr. Doogie Howser: Just one of those things?
- Roy Lester: You see, I was dating two women a-at the ends of my trucking route - Marge in Sacramento and Joanne in - in L.A. Well, Joanne and I started getting serious, so I asked her to marry me. Then when I went to tell Marge, I started hinting around that - that maybe we should break it off, and...
- [sighs]
- Roy Lester: she started crying. Well, I just can't take sobbing, so...
- Dr. Doogie Howser: So you did the natural thing - You married both of them.
- Roy Lester: [sighs] Look, it's like this. When I stare into those beautiful brown eyes or... beautiful blue eyes, depending on which face I'm staring into, I just get all silly. But it's not like I'm a womanizer, doc. I'm totally faithful... to both of them.
- Dr. Doogie Howser: And you have families with both?
- Roy Lester: Oh, yeah, wonderful families.
- [Grabs his wallet]
- Roy Lester: I'm just nuts about 'em. Just look at those faces, doc. There's Betty, Angie, Roy Jr.
- [flips through pictures to his other family]
- Roy Lester: And there's Ronnie and Becky... Roy Jr.
- Dr. Doogie Howser: Two Roy Jrs.?
- Roy Lester: I just couldn't resist. It's just such a darn good name.
- Dr. Doogie Howser: Well, I guess a lot of men have two wives in their lifetime. You just chose to do it simultaneously.
- Roy Lester: Look, doc, I know what I did was wrong, but I love each and every one of these people. You got to help me, doc.
- Dr. Doogie Howser: Help you?
- Roy Lester: Well, yeah. You said my condition was serious, that I shouldn't aggravate it. Please?
- Dr. Doogie Howser: [sighs] All right. I - I'll have to set up separate visiting schedules for each one, and any visitor will have to check through me, but... I'll do my best.
- Roy Lester: Oh, thanks a heap, doc. Thanks a heap!