Jeffrey Ross credited as playing...
Jeffrey
- Jeffrey: He played high school football, my grandfather, back in the days of leather helmets and no face masks. Remember those guys, doc?
- Dr. Katz: Sure.
- Jeffrey: He was so proud, he used to tell me these stories all the time, y'know: "I was starting fullback for the Newark Maulers. Couldn't afford uniforms back then; used to shave the numbers into the hair on our backs. We were the toughest team in the league. Our motto was: "Mottos are for sissies.""
- Jeffrey: My aunt is always, like, hocking me to go out with Jewish women, y'know. And it's like, every time she meets my girlfriend, she wants to know if she's Jewish, but she doesn't want to just come out and ask me, y'know.
- Dr. Katz: Right.
- Jeffrey: She's like, uh, more subtle, she's like, "I didn't catch her last name, dear."
- Dr. Katz: Well, you know Jeffrey, this is what old women like to do: They like to fix people up.
- Jeffrey: Our friends in the building, the old ladies who live there, they're so adorable.
- Dr. Katz: Mm-hmm.
- Jeffrey: Her little card-playing buddies. They're always like, it's a harsh word, but it fits. They're always, like, pimping off their granddaughters on me, y'know what I mean? "You should meet my Angela. She's a law student, and BEAUTIFUL." Like, "What do you mean, "beautiful"? Describe her to me."
- Dr. Katz: Right.
- Jeffrey: "Well... she's not a hunchback."
- Dr. Katz: Hmm.
- Jeffrey: Sometimes they get desperate, they give me the hard sell: "You should meet my Marie. Not much to look at, but she'll bop on your schmeckel, boy."