Harry Morgan credited as playing...
Officer Bill Gannon
- Officer Bill Gannon: Boy, I don't know why you're making a big fuss over this. All a woman has to do is set another place.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: And slice the meat a little thinner.
- Officer Bill Gannon: [laughs] Don't be silly. Slice the meat a little thinner. That's a new one.
- [over the phone to kids]
- Officer Bill Gannon: Hi. Who's this?... Yeah... . Well, where to?... Oh, yeah, I forgot. Well, have a good time, but don't stay out past 11 o'clock... . I know it's Friday, old boy, but that's check-in time anyway. Let me speak to your mother.
- [to Joe]
- Officer Bill Gannon: The boys have got something going on at school so we'll have nothing but peace and quiet.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Sounds good.
- Officer Bill Gannon: [over the phone to Eileen] Hi... . Yeah, just leaving now... . One of those days, that's all. Look, honey, Joe's coming out for dinner and watch the ball game with me... . Well, you know Joe. He's funny about these things. He wants to make it official... . I know it's silly... . Ok, you tell him that.
- [to Joe]
- Officer Bill Gannon: She wants to talk to you.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: [over the phone to Eileen] Hello, Eileen... . Yes, if it's no trouble... . You're sure?... Well, I... what's that?... Yeah. Well, that makes me feel better... . Yes, we're leaving right now... . Thanks. Goodbye, Eileen.
- Officer Bill Gannon: What'd she say?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: It's ok.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Well, I told you that, Joe. I meant what did she say that made you feel better?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: She said she'd slice the meat a little thinner.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Well, let me ask you something, Ms. Prout. Just where were you struck?
- Marnie Prout: Well, no place. I ducked just in time.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Well, you see, that's the trouble. If somebody shoots at you, for instance, that's a felony whether you're hit or not. But an egg timer wouldn't be considered a deadly weapon. It could be a misdemeanor assault, but since it missed you anyway...
- Marnie Prout: Well, I guess that means nothing can be done.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Not this time, Marnie.
- Marnie Prout: Well, suppose it happens again.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Then you'll know what to do.
- Marnie Prout: What?
- Officer Bill Gannon: Let him hit you!
- Officer Bill Gannon: Say, do you notice anything different inside the house?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Oh, I don't know. I haven't seen it yet.
- Officer Bill Gannon: No, I mean right in the entry here.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: That sofa.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Loveseat, Joe. That was Eileen's mother's loveseat.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Oh.
- Officer Bill Gannon: The wallpaper, Joe. The wallpaper. It's brand-new.
- Officer Bill Gannon: You notice anything different in here?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: That light fixture.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Chandelier, Joe. No, we've had that for 10 years. Gave the old one to Eileen.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Oh.
- Officer Bill Gannon: The wallpaper, Joe. It's brand-new.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Oh, well, it's not the same as the stuff in the other room there.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Well now, Joe, you wouldn't hang entry paper in your dining room, would you? You wouldn't do that, would you?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: No, I guess not.
- Officer Bill Gannon: You bet I guess not.