Jack Webb credited as playing...
Sergeant Joe Friday
- Officer Bill Gannon: Joe, there's one thing you might as well learn.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: What's that?
- Officer Bill Gannon: No matter what time a woman says she'll be somewhere, automatically add twenty minutes.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Is that right?
- Officer Bill Gannon: Then you won't have so long to wait.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Here I invite you people over to my place and you end up doing all the work. Now what kind of deal is that?
- Eileen Gannon: It doesn't matter, Joe. It's fun just getting together, isn't it Bill?
- Officer Bill Gannon: Sure, but I'll tell you what. Now, if it will make you feel any better...
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Yeah?
- Officer Bill Gannon: You can do the dishes.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: [Advice given to Roy Sellick on how to deal with the neighbor lady's complaint about loud noise coming from his apartment] Why don't you try the old apartment house system?
- Roy Sellick: I've never lived in an apartment before. Always had our own house, Joey. What's the system?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: When they complain, invite them to the party.