Jonathan Goldstein: Walter Nichols

We're Married

Walter Nichols

[first lines, into the camera]
Josh Nichols: Have you ever been really good friends with someone you never even met before?
Drake Parker: Y'ever been really thirsty, just didn't feel like gettin' up?
Josh Nichols: See, for over a year now, I've been e-mailing this girl from a foreign country.
[Drake calls Josh on his cell phone]
Josh Nichols: One sec. Hello?
Drake Parker: [faking a Bronx accent] Yeah, this is, uh, Lt. Pierson with Teen San Diago Police Department.
Josh Nichols: [recognizing Drake] Oh, IS it?
Drake Parker: Yeah, you're gonna need to get a can of soda upstairs to your brother, a code three.
Josh Nichols: Code this!
[blows a whistle loudly; both hang up; Drake heads downstairs]
Josh Nichols: Anyway, back to my e-pal, Yooka. It's-it's kinda weird to be friends with someone you never met or even talked to on the phone, but I...
[phone rings again]
Josh Nichols: [picking up] If you call me one more time, I will take an entire bottle of maple syrup and pour it all over your underwear drawer, so for the next nine days YOU can walk around with sicky butt!
Walter Nichols: Josh, it's your father.
Josh Nichols: Nice try, ya big doof!
[hangs up]
Josh Nichols: Man, i-i-if he's so thirsty, why can't he come downstairs, go in the kitchen, and get himself...
[suddenly notices Drake sitting beside him, smiling and drinking a soda]
Josh Nichols: Aw, geez.