Ingrid Lacey credited as playing...
Helen Cooper
- [first lines]
- Helen Cooper: Right, big story, the Portillo wants the private sector to run schools, police, prisons, hospital...
- Henry Davenport: Heed my words in five years time they will have replaced hospitals with branches of operations-r-us. And you'll get there on Liberian registered buses that pay toll to the local police franchise, called plod-you-like. Staffed by twelve year-old school leavers whose parents got behind with the mortgage on their kid's pencil and who are now doing times in Strangeways World of Adventure PLC. And all these bloody companies will be part of one giant consortium, whose board of directors will be headed by Michael "poxy" Portillo.
- Helen Cooper: They don't like being called sweetheart, and darling. And plum-bum.
- Henry Davenport: Honestly, you can't pay a woman a complement these days.
- George Dent: Now Listen Henry, all Helen's trying to say is...
- Sally Smedley: Back off, you sick old perv!