Jerry Ferrara: Turtle

The Sundance Kids

Turtle

Turtle: We accidentally crossed swords.
Eric Murphy: Ew.
Vincent Chase: Really? Were there any women there at least?
Turtle: Yeah, dick, it was a threesome, okay? It's no biggie. Crossing is an occupational hazard.

Turtle: What about when you divorce all your wives? They get an eighth of all your property.
Eric: No, Turtle, it's a ninth. Otherwise, Vince wouldn't get shit.
Vince: Good lookin' out, E!

Johnny "Drama" Chase: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric Murphy: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says, "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"

Vincent Chase: I hear the slopes out here are insane.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Give me a break! Anywhere where you can ski in short sleeves is for pussies. I mean, they got no ice out here.
Eric Murphy: Who wants to ski on ice?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Men, E, men who like speed.
Turtle: I'm with Drama, there's nothing like the possibility of a good head-on collision.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I mean, if you can ski Hunter Mountain, you can ski anywhere!

Johnny "Drama" Chase: [to the attractive blonde girl] As a matter of interest, what do you prefer... tall, lean and handsome, or short, fat and ugly?
Turtle: [chuckles] Hey, you know what? He's right! I mean, you want somebody who's cute, funny and cuddly? Or somebody who's bitter, out of work and losing his hair by the minute?
Johnny "Drama" Chase: I'm not losing my hair.
Turtle: Yeah, you are.
Cassie: Guys... I believe in love. And... love has no face and... no weight. Definitely no receding hairline. Look, I wanna talk to you both about something. Mm. Best friends... should treat each other with loyalty and respect. They should *never* compete for the same woman, because even if one of them wins, then they both lose.
[her words sink in]
Cassie: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
[gets up]
Cassie: You guys figure out a way to get along and I'll be right back.
[goes off]
Turtle: That was deep.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: [thinks it over] She's right. This is crazy. What are we fighting for?
Turtle: This girl's gonna be gone by tomorrow.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: By tomorrow night... she'll be a memory.
Turtle: And we gotta spend every waking minute together.
Johnny "Drama" Chase: What do you wanna do?
Turtle: [knows what he wants] I want the memory!
Johnny "Drama" Chase: So do I.
Turtle: Fuck you!
Johnny "Drama" Chase: Fuck me? Fuck you!
Turtle: I said it first.
[takes swig from bottle]