Charles Durning credited as playing...
Francis Griffin
- The Pope: [after meeting Francis] I've never met such an infuriating man! You must have the patience of a saint.
- Peter Griffin: Well, he's my dad. I just want him to love me.
- Francis Griffin: Peter, how could you say such a thing? I love you with all me heart.
- Peter Griffin: [he gestures for the band to play the sentimental tune] You do?
- Francis Griffin: Of course. I just don't like you. I don't like anything about you.
- Peter Griffin: [the band stops] No, keep playing, you guys. I think this is as good as it's gonna get.
- Francis Griffin: [realizing he's standing in front of the Pope] Holy Mother...! It's the Holy Father!
- Francis Griffin: [at his retirement party] At mass this morning, it occurred to me that I may never see any of your faces again. I just want to say that Jesus loves you. But in my eyes, you're a bunch of sinners and slackers who have forced a hardworking old man to retire. So you can take this shiny watch and shove it.
- Stewie Griffin: I adore this man!
- Peter Griffin: Hey, that was some speech, dad.
- Lois Griffin: Yes, it's a shame grandma wasn't there to hear it.
- Francis Griffin: Bless her heart. She's on another one of her prayer missions in Las Vegas.
- Mrs. Griffin: [cut to a Vegas casino] Hit me, you five-card stud.
- [hacking cough]
- Mrs. Griffin: Cocktail!
- Francis Griffin: [return to the car] Aye, she's a rose. It's a pity you couldn't find yourself a nice Irish Catholic girl, Peter.
- Lois Griffin: [uneasy laugh] Oh, Francis, this must be embarrassing for you. I'm in the car.
- Peter Griffin: Yes, we all enjoy the Bible in this house!
- Francis Griffin: Really? What's your favorite book of the Bible?
- Peter Griffin: Ah... um... ah... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital?