Alex Borstein credited as playing...
Lois Griffin • Julie • Aunt Lil
- Lois Griffin: Glen, I need your help.
- Glen Quagmire: Sure, Lois. I'd do everything to you.
- Lois Griffin: What?
- Glen Quagmire: I'd do anything for you.
- Lois Griffin: Excuse me?
- Gloria Ironbox: I can't imagine how screwed up your kids must be.
- Lois Griffin: You... bitch!
- Lois Griffin: Peter, one of these days I'm gonna need to use the mirror.
- Peter Griffin: Oh beans, I can't get this spit curl to... Wait a minute. Lois, what day is it?
- Lois Griffin: Thursday.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, God. Oh God, I am late!
- Lois Griffin: Well, if you spent less time fixing your hair...
- Peter Griffin: No, I mean I am 'late' late! Do we still have that pregnancy test?
- Lois Griffin: Are you insane? You can't have a baby!
- Peter Griffin: Well, I don't have a lot of options, I'm Catholic! God, I thought you would be happy for me!
- Lois Griffin: Oh, I hate these high-pressure sales situations.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, that's so cute! You're just afraid that because you're a woman you're gonna do something stupid, like buy that time-share or not realize that your husband taped over our wedding video with soft-core cable porn.
- Lois Griffin: You taped over our wedding video?
- Peter Griffin: Just the boring stuff.
- Peter Griffin: [slurring, drunk] This comedian sucks. He couldn't make me laugh even if I was laughin' my ass off and he was the one makin' me do it. Come on, skinny, make me laugh!
- Lois Griffin: Peter, that's a microphone stand.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, well, excuse me for thinkin' that a microphone stand in a comedy club should tell a joke or two. I guess I'm just old-fashioned that way.
- Stewie Griffin: Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
- Lois Griffin: Meg, can you change Stewie?
- Meg Griffin: Fine, but this time if a boy calls, please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.
- Joe Swanson: Hey neighbors! Where's your boat?
- Lois Griffin: We didn't take the boat. We took the mystery box. Hop in!
- Lois Griffin: Oh, no! Life outside my kitchen is so bright and scary. I'm just here because you caught me between pregnancies.
- Gloria Ironbox: I'm sorry you're so hostile toward someone who's fighting so a woman like you can become more than just a housewife.
- Lois Griffin: Oh, just a housewife. Look, I'm all for equality, but if you ask me, feminism is about choice. And I choose to be a wife and mother. And now, I'm choosing to end this conversation.
- Peter Griffin: Wah, wah, wah. C'mon, it's only childbirth. How much can it hurt?
- Julie: Peter, it's like taking your bottom lip and stretching it over your head to the back of your neck.