Alex Borstein credited as playing...
Lois Griffin • Karen • Teenage Girl #2 • Princess
- Lois Griffin: Oh, Chris, my baby! I'm telling you, Peter, I never should have let him out of my stomach!
- Peter Griffin: Hey, uh, you gots got an ATM? I only got $37 on me.
- [the villagers all gasp and bow to him]
- Peter Griffin: What's the matter with them?
- Chieftain: We've never seen that much money before. You are the richest man in the country.
- Peter Griffin: Richest man in the country? Wow, no Griffin's been this powerful since my ancestor, King Arthur Griffin.
- Princess: [cutaway] Oh, Arthur, if you are able to draw the sword from the stone and prove to me you truly are the sole king of Camelot, I will make love to you right here in the clearing.
- King Arthur Griffin: What if I could just move it an inch, will you touch me?
- Lois Griffin: Peter, what are you doing? You've been out of work forever, and you promised me you were going out to look for a job today.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, uh, okay. I'll go look for a job, Lois.
- [holding out a magazine]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, what is this? The latest "Redbook".
- [tossing it away like a toy for a dog, he runs outside and hides behind a pair of garbage cans]
- Peter Griffin: Is she gone?
- Lois Griffin: I wonder how your father's first day at work went.
- [pulling up to the house like a fast-food drive-through, Peter honks the car horn]
- Meg Griffin: Dad? What the hell are you doing?
- Peter Griffin: [drunk] Uh, yeah, hey, buddy. Uh, I'll have a triple cheeseburger and a large fries. And, uh, do you sell pants?
- Chris Griffin: [Peter has the villagers re-enact an episode of "Seinfeld"] Dad, I have had enough of you taking advantage of these people. For God's sakes, the woman playing Elaine is a high priestess!
- Peter Griffin: I don't have to take that from you. I'm the richest guy in town!
- Chris Griffin: Dad, don't you see? This is a wonderful place, and you're just using it to escape from your problems at home.
- Peter Griffin: What do you mean? Meg's right there.
- Lois Griffin: But, Chris, honey, aren't you doing the same thing?
- Chris Griffin: What do you mean?
- Lois Griffin: I mean you just came here because you were being picked on at school. You're using these people to escape your problems.
- Chris Griffin: Oh, my God! You're right. I married this 11-year-old girl for all the wrong reasons! I'm sorry, Loca. I guess I just came here because I was afraid of being a freshman.
- Chieftain: Freshman?
- Chris Griffin: [the villagers start chasing them] I guess you can't run away from your problems anywhere!
- Peter Griffin: [running toward a docked seaplane] Jock, start the engine! Get the plane up!
- [as they run toward the water a la "Raiders of the Lost Ark," the plane starts up and they all manage to get aboard]
- Brian Griffin: Uh, Peter, I think we forgot Meg.
- [standing on the edge of the water, Meg falls over, revealing a number of blowdarts in her back]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, this is ridiculous. We came here to take Chris home. Why are we staying?
- Peter Griffin: 'Cause I'm tired of being treated like crap at work. D-Don't you see what this means to me? I'm somebody here. Finally, a white man has an opportunity to be rich and in charge.
- Chris Griffin: Hi, Mom and Dad! Everybody, this is my wife, Loca. We're married.
- Lois Griffin: Well, maybe here, but not in America, where God pays attention.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, I just found this note in Chris' room! He ran away to join the Peace Corps!
- Peter Griffin: Oh, my God, give me that.
- [she moves to hand him the note]
- Peter Griffin: No, that.
- [he indicates a paddle ball paddle; giving it to him, he giggles as he plays with it, and as time passes, the ball finally hits him in the face]
- Peter Griffin: Oh! Oh! Dumb! I'm bored with it now.
- Chris Griffin: [nervous about his first day of high school] Uh, I think I'm coming down with something.
- Lois Griffin: Chris, relax. The Freshman Hunt doesn't really exist. It's just a myth to scare freshmen.
- Chris Griffin: Really? Oh, boy, that's a relief.
- Lois Griffin: Now, have a good day at school, sweetie.
- [as he gets out, she honks the car horn]
- Lois Griffin: FRESHMAN!
- Lois Griffin: Hey, Chris. Was school any better today?
- Chris Griffin: No! I hate it! I never wanna go back!
- Lois Griffin: Oh, come on, it'll get better. You just have to find your place. Let's go, Stewie. Time to change your diaper.
- Stewie Griffin: I'm not worried about high school at all. Worst-case scenario, I'll carve out a niche as the effeminate male friend of the popular girls.
- [Chris calls home after joining the Peace Corps]
- Lois Griffin: Hello?
- Chris Griffin: Hi, Mom!
- [Peter joins the call]
- Peter Griffin: Chris, buddy, thank God you're okay!
- Chris Griffin: Hi, Dad!
- Peter Griffin: Hey, this has been driving me crazy. Who was the chick on "Remington Steele"?
- [Stewie joins the call]
- Stewie Griffin: Hello?
- Chris Griffin: Stephanie Zimbalist?
- Stewie Griffin: No, Stewie Griffin. Who's this?
- Peter Griffin: [responding to Chris] Thank you!
- Lois Griffin: Chris, what are you doing down there?
- Chris Griffin: Relax, Mom. I'm having a great time!
- Stewie Griffin: [annoyed] You people knocked me off the modem!
- Lois Griffin: When are you coming home?
- Peter Griffin: How's the food in South America?
- Stewie Griffin: Do the women there have exposed cliteratti?
- Chris Griffin: I'll be home in a month, after people have forgotten I'm a freshman.
- Lois Griffin: Well... Please just take care of yourself, honey.
- [Meg joins the call]
- Meg Griffin: Hey, guys. Is everyone on the phone?
- Chris Griffin: I gotta go.
- [disconnects]
- Lois Griffin: Something's in the oven.
- [disconnects]
- Peter Griffin: I lost a shoe.
- [disconnects]
- Stewie Griffin: Don't leave me on the phone with her!
- Meg Griffin: Stewie?
- Stewie Griffin: [faking being interested] Hey... . How's school?
- Meg Griffin: [sweetly] Hi, Stewie.
- Stewie Griffin: Listen, I am swamped... but Mom has kept me up to date on everything you're doing... and I think it's just great. Hanging up now.
- [disconnects, groans]