Alex Borstein credited as playing...
Lois Griffin • Loretta Brown
- Bonnie Swanson: Somebody save him! He can't swim!
- Peter Griffin: Oh he's not even kicking. Kick, Joe, kick!
- Lois Griffin: Peter! He's a paraplegic!
- Peter Griffin: That doesn't mean he can't hear! Kick, Joe, kick!
- [Cleveland considers killing Quagmire with a baseball bat, while Meg, Chris, Stewie, Lois, and Emperor Palpatine watch]
- Emperor Palpatine: Good. Let the hate flow through you.
- [Lois pushes him to the ground and kicks him]
- Lois Griffin: You're not helping!
- [while Quagmire throws on a bathrobe, Brian sees the tattoo on his left butt cheek reading "Your Face Here. 555-0143"]
- Brian Griffin: [points at Quagmire's tattoo on his butt] Peter, look!
- Peter Griffin: Holy crap, that's the tattoo. Well, I think we're about to find out who the culprit is.
- [gets out his cellphone and dials the tattoo's number]
- Peter Griffin: 5-5-5-0-1-4-3.
- Brian Griffin: Peter, I...
- Peter Griffin: Shut up, Brian! I'm sleuthing.
- [Quagmire's phone rings and he picks it up and answers it]
- Glenn Quagmire: Hello?
- [pullback to reveal Peter standing next to Quagmire on his cellphone]
- Peter Griffin: Quagmire?
- Glenn Quagmire: Yeah.
- Peter Griffin: Hey, it's Peter. What's going on, buddy? We're at your house.
- [Brian runs up and knocks Peter's cellphone out his hand and points at Quagmire]
- Brian Griffin: Peter, he's the one we saw sleeping with Loretta.
- Peter Griffin: Oh my God!
- Glenn Quagmire: Damn it, I knew this was gonna happen! I didn't mean it, you know? I knew it was a mistake! It never felt right! Please don't tell Cleveland!
- Peter Griffin: Well, all right, Quagmire.
- [cut to Peter, Brian, Lois and Cleveland in the lounge room at the Griffin's House]
- Peter Griffin: Cleveland, Quagmire's sleeping with your wife!
- Lois Griffin: [shocked] What?
- Cleveland Brown: Quagmire slept with Loretta?
- Lois Griffin: Oh, my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now.
- Cleveland Brown: It's okay.
- Brian Griffin: It's okay? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend?
- Cleveland Brown: Better it be Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from.
- Lois Griffin: CIeveland, don't you see? This is why your wife left you. You don't have any passion. Sometimes a woman wants to see her man be a man. You got to push back a little! You got to get a little rough!
- [erratically stands up, bends over and pulls down her pants]
- Lois Griffin: Oh, God! Peter, hit me!
- Brian Griffin: Yeah!
- [slaps Lois's butt]
- Lois Griffin: [erratic] Ow!
- [then Lois sheepishly turns around and covers her panties while Peter, Cleveland and Brian stare at her in shocked silence]
- Brian Griffin: Wow, so that's something, about Quagmire and Loretta, huh?