Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • ...
The Father, the Son and the Holy Fonz
Family Guy
Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Glenn Quagmire • Tom Tucker • Aquaman • Vern • Jesus • Fonzie • Mark • Todd
- Brian Griffin: Oh that's very Christian. Believe what I say or I'll hurt you.
- Francis Griffin: Now you're getting it!
- [Peter's Dad hits Brian with a Bible]
- Peter Griffin: Please rise. Now sit on it.
- [everyone sits]
- Peter Griffin: May the Fonz be with you.
- People In Church: And also with you.
- Peter Griffin: Let us ayyy.
- People In Church: Ayyyy.
- Peter Griffin: And now a reading from the letters of Potsie to the Tuscaderos.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, your father won't let up about Stewie getting baptized. I am sick of him always trying to force his religious views on us.
- Peter Griffin: Alright, I'll talk to him, Lois. But uh, you know, when my father wants something, it's like sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want, but... it's gonna happen.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, what are all these women doing in our living room?
- Peter Griffin: Lois, I took your advice and picked a new religion. I'm gonna be a Mormon.
- Lois Griffin: A Mormon? Are you sure?
- Peter Griffin: Come on. Nailing a different wife every night? That's a no-brainer. Oh, Lois, this is Kimmy, the checkout girl from the Korean market. Uh, Nancy, our postal carrier. And you know Tiffany, the filthy woman who stands downtown and screams at traffic.
- Tiffany: [screaming] I ate a tube of Crest for dinner!
- Peter Griffin: Isn't she funny? She's definitely the Kramer of my Mormon wives. Nancy, get me a beer.
- Nancy: Uh, Mormons aren't allowed to drink alcohol.
- [cut to Peter dragging trash cans to the curb]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, did you just throw those women away?
- Peter Griffin: [defensively] No!
- [blocking her way as she moves to open one of the lids]
- Peter Griffin: Maybe.
- Brian Griffin: [at the church of the Fonz] I can't believe people are actually buying this.
- Stewie Griffin: Hey, Fonzi's cool, Brian. Y'see, deep down, I think we all yearn to be Italian and stupid.
- Francis Griffin: Every kitchen needs a crucifix.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, yes, nothing says 'eat up' like a bleeding half naked jew nailed to a piece of wood.