Seth Green credited as playing...
Chris Griffin • Sean Penn • Monkey #2
- Meg Griffin: I don't get it, mom. If you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
- Lois Griffin: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
- Chris Griffin: A bitch.
- Lois Griffin: All those years of paying my dues as musical director under that old hack have finally paid off.
- Brian Griffin: Oh, Lois, congratulations. Our little theater group finally has a committed visionary at its helm; and such an attractive one.
- Lois Griffin: Brian, you'll have to audition just like everyone else.
- Brian Griffin: Oh, god, of course. I-I... oh, you didn't think... . you thought I was...
- [bashfully]
- Brian Griffin: Ah... Lois.
- Chris Griffin: I can paint scenery.
- Meg Griffin: Can I be in the show, mom?
- Stewie Griffin: Yes, you can be the dumpy teenager who stays backstage and cries because nobody finds her attractive.
- Peter Griffin: Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big Christmas toy this year gets a huge bonus.
- Chris Griffin: Hey, dad, why don't you invent the frisbee? That's a awesome toy.
- Meg Griffin: It's already been invented.
- Chris Griffin: Then how come I never heard of it?
- Lois Griffin: What's going on?
- Peter Griffin: Oh, we're just having a little powwow to discuss my latest changes.
- Lois Griffin: *What* changes?
- Peter Griffin: The Siamese children. How about this? They're not children.
- [spookily]
- Peter Griffin: They're ALIENS!
- Glenn Quagmire: Ha! Hey, that's great, Peter.
- Joe Swanson: Right on the money.
- Diane Simmons: Isn't he brilliant?
- Lois Griffin: No! He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant, and I want to do the show *they* wrote. We're not making any more changes!
- Meg Griffin: [running in with Chris] We sold out!
- Chris Griffin: Yeah, the whole town's talking about your show, dad.
- Lois Griffin: [cheers from the others] *Your* show? Peter, this is *my* show!
- Peter Griffin: What's the big deal? You wanted to sell out and we did.
- Lois Griffin: I am through selling out. I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful and you've completely destroyed that. You wanna be the director? Fine. I quit.
- Peter Griffin: Me, direct? I don't know what to say, except... I'm the king of the worl...
- [falling off the stage]
- Peter Griffin: Ow!