Patrick Warburton credited as playing...
Joe Swanson
- Peter Griffin: Okay, let's run this scene again. Now, remember, Diane, you're playing Anna; a steel-town girl on a Saturday night looking for the fight of her life.
- Diane Simmons: Um, where does it say that?
- Peter Griffin: [pointing to his head] In my noodle. Okay, places. And action.
- [Diane dances to '80s dance music, a la "Flashdance"]
- Peter Griffin: Stop. All wrong. All wrong. God, send me dancers.
- Diane Simmons: We've been rehearsing for hours. I'm exhausted.
- Peter Griffin: Well, I'm sorry, but we open the show in three hours and I don't think we're ready.
- Diane Simmons: Of course we're not. You keep changing everything.
- Peter Griffin: You bet I do. Because theater is alive. It's a living, breathing creature with wants and needs and you're not man enough to satisfy her.
- Diane Simmons: I can't work this way. I quit!
- Peter Griffin: Fine.
- Joe Swanson: We can't do "The King and I" without Anna.
- Glenn Quagmire: Yeah, this is a real snafu.
- Peter Griffin: We don't need Diane Simmons. We've had someone better all along. Someone radiant and sassy with the soul and the passion that can only come from hundreds of years of Black oppression.
- Loretta Brown: Oh, thank you, Peter. I'll do it.
- Peter Griffin: Get over yourself. I was talking about me.
- Lois Griffin: What's going on?
- Peter Griffin: Oh, we're just having a little powwow to discuss my latest changes.
- Lois Griffin: *What* changes?
- Peter Griffin: The Siamese children. How about this? They're not children.
- [spookily]
- Peter Griffin: They're ALIENS!
- Glenn Quagmire: Ha! Hey, that's great, Peter.
- Joe Swanson: Right on the money.
- Diane Simmons: Isn't he brilliant?
- Lois Griffin: No! He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant, and I want to do the show *they* wrote. We're not making any more changes!
- Meg Griffin: [running in with Chris] We sold out!
- Chris Griffin: Yeah, the whole town's talking about your show, dad.
- Lois Griffin: [cheers from the others] *Your* show? Peter, this is *my* show!
- Peter Griffin: What's the big deal? You wanted to sell out and we did.
- Lois Griffin: I am through selling out. I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful and you've completely destroyed that. You wanna be the director? Fine. I quit.
- Peter Griffin: Me, direct? I don't know what to say, except... I'm the king of the worl...
- [falling off the stage]
- Peter Griffin: Ow!
- Joe Swanson: We can't do 'The King and I' without Anna.
- Glenn Quagmire: Yeah, it's a real snafu.
- Peter Griffin: We don't need Diane Simmons. We've had someone better all along. Someone radiant and sassy, with the soul and the passion that can only come from hundreds of years of black oppression.
- Loretta Brown: Aah, thank you, Peter.
- Peter Griffin: Get over yourself, I was talking about me.
- Peter Griffin: Well, well, look who came crawlin' back.
- Joe Swanson: Peter, have you seen my wheelchair?