Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Speed Racer • Pops Racer • Announcer • Scoutmaster • Carney • Margaret's Husband • Man in Operation • Schneider • Indian Puppet #1 • Indian Casino Staff #2 • Tree #3
- Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits! It says, "Ooooo".
- Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
- Brian: [as the Griffins watch "Happy Days" on television] You have anything on that remote lower than "mute"?
- Carrot Top: [Using a bow as a prop] Look! A bow tie! Now I'm David Bowie! Now I'm Bo Derek!
- Stewie Griffin: [Stewie throws several tomahawks which narrowly miss Carrot Top] Oh, very funny! Now tell the one that doesn't suck!
- Stewie Griffin: Stupid, greedy savages!
- Lois Griffin: Stewie! That's a terrible thing to say.
- [background fades to black]
- Lois Griffin: This one particular tribe has lost their way, but most Native Americans are proud, hard-working people who are true to their spiritual heritage. They are certainly NOT savages.
- ['The More You Know' logo appears]
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, that's funny, mother. Just this morning you said they were lazy, like the dirty Mexicans.
- [background fades to black]
- Stewie Griffin: Ha ha! Just kidding. The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.
- ['The More You Know' logo appears]
- Meg Griffin: Yeah, not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes.
- [background fades to black]
- Meg Griffin: Actually, the Swedish people run the gamut from very short to tall. And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor Alfred Nobel?
- ['The More You Know' logo appears]
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, which is more than we ever got from those free-loading Canadians.
- [background fades to black]
- Peter Griffin: Canada sucks!
- Pops Racer: [quick dialog] Speed, I do not think you should be in this race, hahaa! The Mach 5 is not ready, hahaa!
- Speed Racer: But Pops, I must be in this race, hahaa!
- Pops Racer: Very well. Gaah, you know I am not your real father, hahaa!
- Speed Racer: [shocked look] Aaah!
- Peter Griffin: [refusing to accept he's lost] You know I can't ask another human being for directions.
- Lois Griffin: Why not?
- Peter Griffin: Because I'm a man. Haven't you ever seen a stand-up comedian, Lois?
- [Chris jumps on Peter's lap]
- Chris Griffin: Dad, the scouts are no fun. I just want to draw. Oh, and...
- [kisses Peter]
- Peter Griffin: Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again.
- Lois Griffin: Stewie, I've got something special for you.
- Stewie Griffin: Jell-o, how exotic! I feel like I'm on the deck of the Q.E. 2!
- Peter Griffin: I never knew anyone in this family had any talent, except for that one thing your mother does.
- Chris Griffin: You mean play the piano?
- Peter Griffin: No, no, n... umm, yeah!
- Peter Griffin: Pack your bags up, the Griffins are heading to Big Apple!
- Speed Racer: Haha! Did you hear? The Griffins are going to New York. Haha!
- Pops Racer: This is not affecting us all! Haha!
- Speed Racer: Haha!
- Ann Romano: [Brian is laughing while watching "One Day at a Time"] Damn it Julie, I am not shacking up with my boyfriend, I am just going away for the weekend.
- Schneider: Yeah! All the a-way!
- Brian Griffin: Whoo-hoo! Oh, damn Schneider, what will you say?
- Peter Griffin: Son, we're going to get you back in the Scouts so fast, they wont know what hit 'em.
- [he backs into a parked car]
- Peter Griffin: And, um, neither will that guy.
- Lois Griffin: [Stewie has just seen his parents having sex] Honey, there's nothing wrong with what you saw... in fact, that's sort of how you were created...
- Stewie Griffin: Oh! That is a vile and odious lie! Get out of here woman, get out!
- [Lois leaves, Brian enters]
- Brian Griffin: Oh, God. You saw them together, didn't you?
- Stewie Griffin: Ngg...
- [Stewie nods]
- Brian Griffin: You know the tub where you take your little baths? They've done it there, too.
- [Peter is watching "Happy Days". Someone tries to talk to him]
- Peter Griffin: Hold on! This is the one where the Fonz says "Aaay!"
- Fonzie: Aaay!
- Peter Griffin: YES! Take that, 1950's society!