Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • ...
When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
Family Guy
Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Glenn Quagmire • William Shatner • Announcer • Doctor • Jerry • Monk • Noel Coward • Ralph Kramden • Teacher • Tony Robbins • Woody Allen • Gas Station Owner • Cloud #1
- [Brian is watching "Seinfeld"]
- Jerry Seinfeld: So you couldn't date her because she was a tickler.
- George Costanza: A tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: And you're not a stickler for a tickler.
- George Costanza: Not a stickler for a tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You're not a tickler stickler.
- George Costanza: Not a tickler stickler.
- [absurd babbling]
- Brian: Where the hell is the remote?
- Chris Griffin: Mom, can Stewie and me be excused? He's gonna help me with my math.
- Lois Griffin: Chris, he's just a baby.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, you're a regular Rhodes scholar. Where was it you graduated from again, hmm? The university of "DUHHHH?"
- Peter Griffin: They better not be expecting us to give money, because I gave at church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God.
- Max Weinstein: Hello. My car broke down. Can I use your phone?
- Peter Griffin: [singing] Now my troubles are all through/I have a Jew.
- Max Weinstein: Hey!
- Peter Griffin: [singing] Nothing else has worked this far / So I wish upon a star / Wonderous shining speck of light / I need a Jew / Lois makes me take the rap / Cause our checkbook looks like crap / Since I can't give her a slap / I need a Jew / Where to find / A Baum or Steen or Stein / To teach me how to whine and do my taaaaaxesss... / Though by many they're abhorred / Hebrew people I've adored / I don't think they killed my Lord / I need a Jew.
- Max Weinstein: What do you want?
- Peter Griffin: Financial advice.
- Max Weinstein: Financial advice? How the hell did you know I'm an accountant?
- Peter Griffin: [stressing his Jewish last name] Hello? "Max *Weinstein*"?
- Peter Griffin: You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
- Meg Griffin: So, how do I look in my new glasses?
- Stewie Griffin: Hmmm. How should I put this? In an attic somewhere, there's a portrait of you getting prettier.
- Cleveland Brown: Peter, not every Jewish person is good with money.
- Peter Griffin: Well, yeah, I guess not the retarded ones, but why would you even say that? For shock value? Geez, Cleveland, there's edgy and there's offensive. Good day, sir.