Alex Borstein credited as playing...
Lois Griffin • Winona Ryder • Fisty • Woman in Book Club #2
- [Joe is hanging from a ledge and Lois is trying to pull him back up]
- Lois Griffin: Joe, you're too heavy. I can't hang on!
- Joe Swanson: Pretend I'm your child, Lois!
- [Lois starts to loosen her grip]
- Joe Swanson: NOT MEG! NOT MEG!
- Brian Griffin: Ugh, I can't believe you're serving a three year sentence, it seems so harsh.
- Lois Griffin: Well, the only upside is that it's given me time to think about why I ended up in here. I guess I was stealin' because I was so sick of the same old routine. I felt like I had a void in my life, like, like, there was a secret hole in me...
- Glen Quagmire: Oh God!
- Lois Griffin: ...and I was trying to fill that hole with all kinds of expensive objects, and things...
- Glen Quagmire: OH GOD!
- Lois Griffin: ...and I felt wonderful with all those things filling that hole.
- Glen Quagmire: OH GAWWWD!
- Lois Griffin: I did this to myself, so I'm just gonna have to lay back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
- Glen Quagmire: That one is also sexual.
- Brian Griffin: Lois, you're in an auto parts store stealing mufflers. This is worse than that Winona Ryder thing!
- Lois Griffin: Are you saying I'm a klepto?
- Brian Griffin: Uh, actually, I was talking about "The Age of Innocence".
- [cut to scene from The Age of Innocence]
- Daniel Day-Lewis: It is settled, May. Our parents have consented and you and I are to be married on the first warm, sunny day of spring.
- Winona Ryder: [woodenly] That would be *most* good, Newland. *Most* good.
- Daniel Day-Lewis: [sighs, turns to crew off-camera] I'm sorry, but she is just awful. Is there any way... I mean, can we add, like, a topless scene or something?
- Martin Scorsese: [off-screen] Uh, yeah.
- Daniel Day-Lewis: Really?
- Martin Scorsese: Yeah.
- Daniel Day-Lewis: We can? Oh great! All right, we got a movie.
- Lois Griffin: I feel like I've had this void all my life. Like there was a secret hole in me.
- Glen Quagmire: Oh, God!
- Lois Griffin: And I was trying to fill that hole with all these expensive things...
- Glen Quagmire: Ooooh, God!
- Lois Griffin: And I just enjoyed having all these things filling that hole.
- Glen Quagmire: Ohhhhhhhhhh, God!
- Lois Griffin: I guess I'm just going to have to sit back and let the penal system teach me a lesson.
- Glen Quagmire: That one is also sexual.
- Joe Swanson: [after chasing, tackling and beating Lois] Sorry, Lois. Regulations. I can't give you any special treatment.
- Lois Griffin: It's ok, Joe, I understand.
- Joe Swanson: Shut up, maggot!
- [continues beating her]