Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Glenn Quagmire • Tom Tucker • Jake Tucker • Angus Griffin • George Jetson • Elroy Jetson • Charles Lindbergh • Bob Baker • Librarian • Hitman • Parachute Jumper • Drunken Clam Customer
- Peter Griffin: Lois, isn't Stewie a little young to be potty trained? You remember what happened to the Lindberg baby.
- [Cut to Lindberg bathroom. Charles Jr. is sitting on the toilet]
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh: Charles, do you know what you're doing?
- Charles Lindberg: Honey, will you relax? I flew across the Atlantic, I'm a national treasure, for God's sake. I think I can handle...
- [Charles Jr. flushes himself down the toilet]
- Charles Lindberg: Oh God! Oh God!
- [Calmly]
- Charles Lindberg: Okay... He was kidnapped. You call the police, I'll write the ransom note.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh: [Pointing to Amelia Earhardt] What about Amelia? She saw everything.
- Charles Lindberg: You leave her to me.
- Stewie Griffin: Up! Stewie wants to go uppie! Mmm, mama's skin's so soft...
- Lois Griffin: Oh, aren't you affectionate tonight. Well,let me give you a kiss...
- Stewie Griffin: Another! Another! Mama has candy kisses!
- Brian Griffin: All right, that's enough!
- [laves the table in disgust]
- Lois Griffin: Stewie... did you unhook mommy's bra?
- Brian Griffin: I'm really enjoying playing golf.
- Peter Griffin: You know my great-great-grandfather Angus Griffin invented the game.
- [flashback]
- Angus Griffin: So, we're all clear on the rules then. No Jews and no blacks.
- Scotsmen: Aye.
- Lois Griffin: Hey, you, the news is on.
- Brian Griffin: Oh. Where's everybody?
- Lois Griffin: Stewie's taking a nap, and Peter and the kids are out. Come sit with me.
- Brian Griffin: Oh. Okay.
- [Gets up on couch]
- Brian Griffin: [while Lois rubs his skull] Oh. Ho,ho,ho,ho.
- Diane Simmons: And now, Part 3 of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
- Tricia Takanawa: Thank you, Diane. Sex... some people have it anonymously. "What kind of person might do that?" You might ask. Well, I'm about to find out. I just picked a complete stranger in a hotel bar, and he's in the bathroom, possibly doing drugs. Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man, as we take you in depth and undercover.
- Glen Quagmire: I never had a Spanish chick before. Ole!
- Lois Griffin: Oh, it is so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news.
- [thumping]
- Lois Griffin: Brian, your tail keeps hitting me.
- [thumping stops]
- Brian Griffin: Oh, it was bothering you, I can stop.
- Lois Griffin: No, it's okay. That breeze feels good. It's so warm in here.
- [takes sweater off, then sighs]
- Lois Griffin: That's better.
- Brian Griffin: I-I'd take my sweater off but I'm afraid it's attached to my skin.
- [laughs]
- Brian Griffin: Smooth.
- Lois Griffin: Well, I better go start dinner.
- Lois Griffin: It's just my noodle kaboodle. I did use a different brand of potato chips for the crust, though.
- Brian Griffin: Your culinary prowess is surpassed only by your unfailing grace and the uncommon, sometimes haunting glow of sensuality that surrounds you
- Lois Griffin: Its just noodle kaboodle.
- Peter Griffin: Hey, what are these hard things?
- Lois Griffin: M & M's. I ran out of paprika.
- Diane Simmons: And now part three of Asian correspondent Tricia Takanawa's special report on sex.
- Tricia Takanawa: Thank you Diane.Sex. Some people have it anonymously. "What kind of person would do that?" you might ask. Well, I'm about to find out. I just picked up a complete stranger in a hotel bar and he's in the bathroom right now. Possibly doing drugs.Watch as I have sex with this potentially dangerous man, as we take you in depth and undercover .
- Glen Quagmire: I've never had a Spanish chick before. Ole'!
- Lois Griffin: Oh. It's so refreshing to see something other than violence on the news.
- Meg Griffin: Then, Brittany and Amber said, "Let's go to the mall." And I said, "OK, I'll go to the mall." Then Amber wasn't gonna go, so I went to the mall. And you're not gonna believe it, they both showed up!
- Peter Griffin: Hold on, Meg. I'm sorry but that is a really boring story.