Seth MacFarlane credited as playing...
Peter Griffin • Brian Griffin • Stewie Griffin • Glenn Quagmire • Airplane Passenger • Airplane Pilot • Nikita Khruschev • Cat in the Hat • Steward • Arabic Passenger • Airplane Passenger • Kurt Cobain • Manager
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, Rupert, I can't sleep. I don't suppose you have any Valium on you? Of course not. You're living the clean life now.
- Lois Griffin: I'm so bored without Stewie around, I don't know what to do.
- Brian Griffin: We could get hammered.
- Janet: Hi. Cookie?
- Stewie Griffin: Well, it's Stewie, but... you can call me "cookie" if you like. Yes, I also answer to "Artemis, " "Agent Buckwald" and "Snake." Yes, I rather like "Snake." Snake Griffin.
- [wiggles his tongue like a snake]
- Lois Griffin: Uh, Well, this is just great! How the Hell are we supposed to get home?
- Peter Griffin: Look, all we got to do is to get some fake passports on the black market.
- Lois Griffin: Where are you going? You're never gonna find the black market!
- Peter Griffin: Oh, that's what you said about that back-alley-abortionist! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you changed your mind, the point is I *found* the guy.
- Peter Griffin: Woah, woah, woah, woah! Wait a second! You're telling me, I flew all the way to Kentucky, to get some of your fried chicken, and... and the Colonel isn't even working today?
- KFC Employee: He ain't here, he dead.
- Peter Griffin: [Mishears Dead as Did] What?
- KFC Employee: I say he dead
- Peter Griffin: Is Mr. Sanders in?
- KFC Employee: What wrong wit you? I say you he dead!
- Peter Griffin: [Stares for a brief moment then shouts] THE COLONEL!
- Lois Griffin: [after learning Peter tricked her into becoming a flight attendant so he could fly for free] You convinced me to keep a job I hate just so you could fly free?
- Peter Griffin: Yeah, and if I talked real loud like that, I could make you look like the bad guy too!
- Lois Griffin: My feet are killing me, I've got vomit in my pocket, and I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie 47 times! Have you seen the lips on that woman? It's like a baboon's ass on her face! Peter, I took this job for excitement, and you're the one who's having it all.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, it's excitement you want, huh? How would you like to join the mile high club? C'mon, you be the stewardess and I'll be the mysterious stranger who's drillin' ya.
- Meg Griffin: Mom, you can't get a job. The last time you left Dad alone in the house he turned it into a giant puppet.
- [Scene switches to Peter yelling in a megaphone while moving the roof of the house up and down]
- Peter Griffin: Hey. Hey. Stay out of here. Hey. You better not come in here. I'm the Griffin's house. Bring me a tool shed, for I am hungry.
- Peter Griffin: All right, here's my one-man show, "Winston Churchill, We Hardly Knew Ye." Okay, act one.
- [high-pitched voice]
- Peter Griffin: I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like some tea? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Would you like a crumpet? I would because I'm Winston Churchill. Do you like to wear knickers? I do because I'm Winston Churchill.
- Peter Griffin: What if Kurt Cobain had quit?
- [Flashback to Nirvana finishing a concert]
- Kurt Cobain: Thank you! And remember, say "no" to drugs!
- Agent: Great concert Kurt. The label's excited about your seventh album.
- Kurt Cobain: Thanks. Oh you remember my wife, Courtney Love?
- Agent: Who?
- [Courtney Love looks down and grimaces]
- Lois Griffin: Stewie needs to learn how to socialize with other children. Maybe we should put him in daycare.
- Peter Griffin: Lois, his answers are out on the open road. I say we give him a hobo pack on the end of a stick, a can of beans, and a pocketful of dreams.
- Lois Griffin: Peter, do you even know which one of our children I'm talking about?
- Peter Griffin: [Awkward pause] Gordon?
- Stewie Griffin: Why, you soulless witch! This is a biogenetic experimentation facility, isn't it? Admit it!
- Glenn Quagmire: Hey, if Lois is lookin' for a thrill, I can get her a job at the airline. Stewardesses get to travel to all kinds of exotic places and their husbands fly anywhere for free.
- Peter Griffin: Fly for free? Sorry, Tink, it looks like I don't need you anymore.
- Tinker Bell: So what, you're just gonna dump me? Just like that?
- Peter Griffin: You knew what this was.
- Stewie Griffin: Look at her, Leonard, sitting there with her curly ebony locks and those pouty come hither lips. My gawd, she's unappealing.
- Lois Griffin: I took this job for excitement, and you're the one who's having it all.
- Peter Griffin: Oh, it's excitement you want, huh? How would you like to join the mile high club? C'mon, you be the stewardess and I'll be the mysterious stranger who's drillin' ya.