Ben Browder credited as playing...
John Crichton
- Captain Biallar Crais: Freeze. You're under arrest. You have the right to the remains of a silent attorney. If you cannot afford one... tough noogies. You can make ONE phone call. I recommend Trixie: 976-Triple-5-LOVE. Do you understand these rights as I've explained them to you?
- John Crichton: No
- Captain Biallar Crais: Then I can't arrest you!
- General Ka D'Argo: John, I really need to just unburden myself on you.
- John Crichton: What?
- General Ka D'Argo: Well, lately I've been thinking about you in a very different way.
- John Crichton: Uh huh.
- General Ka D'Argo: Mmm hmmm, and I was wondering if you would mind participating with me in a little Luxan bonding ritual. Here's the thing okay? What we need are some chains, uh, my Qualta blade, just a little squirt of lutra oil and- Oh! Chiana.
- John Crichton: Chiana?
- General Ka D'Argo: Yeah, she wants to watch.
- John Crichton: Oh, no.
- General Ka D'Argo: Oh, yes.
- Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan: Do you have a problem with people of color?
- John Crichton: I have a contextual problem. You're an alien.
- Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan: Yes, that's true. But I do have a green card.
- Leslie Crichton: Such a fascinating library you have, such wonderful, informative books! "The Oedipus Complex"? I'm not sure - I grasp that concept. Could you, um - explain it to me Johnny?
- John Crichton: No.
- Leslie Crichton: Oh please. You're such a smart boy. I really... I really want to know.
- John Crichton: No.
- Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan: Admit it. You've had sexual thoughts about all of us, haven't you?
- John Crichton: Not me.
- Chiana: Well come on! You're a male!
- Pa'u Zotoh Zhaan: It's just-the way-you-are-wired.
- Officer Aeryn Sun: Nothing to be ashamed of. Not when females are willing.