John Cleese credited as playing...
Basil Fawlty
- Basil Fawlty: [seeing Manual with three trays] Manuel.
- Manuel: ¿Si?
- Basil Fawlty: [speaking slowly] There is too much butter on those trays.
- Manuel: ¿Que?
- Basil Fawlty: There is too much butter... on... those... trays.
- Manuel: No. No, no, senor. Not... not "on... those... trays"... No, sir.
- Manuel: [counting the trays instructively] "Uno, dos, tres".
- Danny Brown: [with a strong London accent] Hello! Got a room?
- Basil Fawlty: I beg your pardon?
- Danny Brown: Got a room for tonight, mate?
- Basil Fawlty: I shall have to see, sir. A single?
- Danny Brown: Yeah. No, make it a double. I feel lucky today.
- [Basil has been listening to classical music in the office instead of typing the lunch menu or hanging a picture in the lobby]
- Sybil Fawlty: You could've had them both done by now if you hadn't spent the whole morning skulking in there, listening to that racket.
- Basil Fawlty: "Racket?" That's *Brahms*! Brahms's third racket!
- Basil Fawlty: [chasing after Sir Richard Morris, who is leaving] Where are you going? Where are you going?
- Sir Richard Morris: We're leaving!
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't - please stay - you'll like it here.
- Sir Richard Morris: I've never been to such a place in my life!
- [they drive off]
- Basil Fawlty: [yelling after them] You snobs! You stupid... stuck-up... toffee-nosed... half-witted... upper-class piles of... pus!
- Basil Fawlty: Your NAME, please. Could I have your name?
- Lord Melbury: Melbury.
- [the phone rings; Basil picks it up]
- Basil Fawlty: [to Melbury] One second, please.
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Hello?... Ah, yes, Mr. O'Reilly. Well, it's perfectly simple. Ah, when I asked you to build me a wall, I was rather hoping that instead of just, uh, dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together, you know, one on top of the other in the traditional fashion.
- Basil Fawlty: [to Melbury, testily] Could you fill it in, please?
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Oh, splendid! Ah, yes-yes-yes, ah, but WHEN, Mr O'Reilly?
- Basil Fawlty: [to Melbury, who is having difficulty with the register] There-there-there!
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Yes-yes-yes, but when? Yes, yes... yes, yes... ah!... the flu! Yes.
- Basil Fawlty: [to Melbury] BOTH names, please.
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Yes, I should have guessed, Mr. O'Reilly. That and the potato famine I suppose.
- Lord Melbury: I beg your pardon?
- Basil Fawlty: Would you put BOTH your names, please?
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Well, will you give me a DATE?
- Lord Melbury: Er... I only use one.
- Basil Fawlty: [with a withering look] You don't have a first name?
- Lord Melbury: No, I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign "Melbury".
- [there is a long, long pause]
- Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Go away.
- Basil Fawlty: [puts phone down] I'm SO sorry to have kept you waiting, your lordship. I DO apologize. Please, please, accept my forgiveness. Now, is there something, ah, something, anything, that I can do for you? Anything at all?
- Sybil Fawlty: Don't forget the picture, Basil.
- Basil Fawlty: I won't dear, leave it to me.
- Sybil Fawlty: I'm going out now. I expect it to be up when I get back.
- Basil Fawlty: Drive carefully, dear...
- Basil Fawlty: Thank you, dear. Thank you so much. I don't know where I'd be without you - Land of the Living, probably.
- Basil Fawlty: ...Arh, Lord Melbury. May I introduce my wife?
- Lord Melbury: Yes, we have meet.
- Basil Fawlty: My wife, may I introduce your lordship.
- Sybil Fawlty: Thank you, Basil, we've sorted it out.
- Basil Fawlty: Splendid, splendid.
- Basil Fawlty: Ah, good evening, Major.
- Major Gowen: Evening, Fawlty.
- Basil Fawlty: The usual?
- Major Gowen: [looking at his watch] Er... er... oh, why not, indeed, why not?
- Danny Brown: Oh, 'allo. Can I have some wine please?
- Basil Fawlty: The waiter is busy, sir, but I will bring you the carte des vin when I have finished attending to this gentleman.
- Danny Brown: Oh, fine - no hurry.
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, good, how nice, how very thoughtful...
- Basil Fawlty: Well, I'd better put the picture up... Oh... thank you Polly for the... well done, Manuel.
- Manuel: Qué?
- Basil Fawlty: Oh... Olé.
- Basil Fawlty: Your lordship, may I offer you a little aperitif... as our guest?
- Lord Melbury: That's very kind of you... dry sherry if you please.
- Basil Fawlty: [to the Major] What else? Such... oh, I don't know what...
- Major Gowen: Je ne sais quoi?
- Basil Fawlty: Exactly! Exactly!
- Basil Fawlty: Sybil, look! If we can attract this class of customer, I mean, the sky's the limit!
- Sybil Fawlty: Basil, 22 rooms is the limit!
- Basil Fawlty: My dear woman, Sir Richard and Lady Morris, arriving this evening. For two nights. You see, they saw our advertisement in Country Life.
- Sybil Fawlty: I wish they were staying a week.
- Basil Fawlty: Well, so do I.
- Sybil Fawlty: Might pay for the ad then.
- Basil Fawlty: I mean, have you seen the people in room six? They've never even sat on chairs before. They are the commonest, vulgarest, most...
- Sybil Fawlty: Well, I've never seen such tatty cases.
- Basil Fawlty: Of course you haven't. It's only the true upper class that would have tat like that. It's the whole point!
- Basil Fawlty: Now, about my priceless collection of coins?
- Lord Melbury: Oh, yes, ah, do you still...
- Basil Fawlty: Do I still want you to take them to be valued by the Duke of Buckleigh, milord?
- Lord Melbury: Ah, yes.
- Basil Fawlty: No, I don't. Because we've just heard that the Duke of Buckleigh is dead! Yes, got his head knocked off by a golf ball. Tragic! Tragic!