Allan Cuthbertson credited as playing...
Colonel Hall
- Colonel Hall: Waitress.
- Polly: Yes?
- Colonel Hall: There's a hair in my mousse.
- Polly: Well, don't talk too loud. Everybody will want one.
- Colonel Hall: WHAT?
- Mrs. Hall: [screams of disgust] Aaargh! Oooh!
- Colonel Hall: What is it, Pebbles? What's the matter?
- Basil Fawlty: Is everything alright?
- Mrs. Hall: Oh, I think I am going to be sick!
- Basil Fawlty: It is an unusual taste, isn't it?
- Mrs. Hall: It is not cooked, you ignoramus!
- Colonel Hall: What are you trying to do to us, Fawlty? Do you mean that's raw?
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, would you prefer a cooked one?
- Colonel Hall: Of course she would prefer a cooked one!
- Basil Fawlty: So, uh, this is your new menu.
- Colonel Hall: [reading] Duck with orange; duck with cherries; duck surprise.
- Mrs. Hall: What's duck surprise?
- Basil Fawlty: Er... that's duck without orange or cherries.
- Colonel Hall: I mean, is this all there is - duck?
- Basil Fawlty: Umm... yes... done, of course, in three extremely different ways.
- Colonel Hall: And what do you do if you don't like duck?
- Basil Fawlty: Ah, well, if you don't like duck, uhhh, you're rather stuck.
- Colonel Hall: [ordering drinks] Two small and dry.
- Basil Fawlty: [taking it as a disparaging remark against Mrs. Hall] Oh, I wouldn't say that.
- Colonel Hall: What?
- Basil Fawlty: I don't know...
- Colonel Hall: Two small dry sherries!
- Basil Fawlty: Ah, Colonel! How delightful to see you again.
- Colonel Hall: Sorry?
- Basil Fawlty: How delightful to see you again. We met last year at the golf club dinner dance, you may remember.
- Colonel Hall: No, I don't.
- Basil Fawlty: Ah, fine, well, we... we didn't talk for long. Just, 'Good evening,' really, you know. A blink of the eye and you would've missed it. As indeed you did. Quite understandably.
- Colonel Hall: Who are you? I mean, I don't know your name!
- Basil Fawlty: [to Sybil] What is it?
- Sybil Fawlty: What?
- Basil Fawlty: My name.
- Basil Fawlty: I'm afraid you were given the wrong menus. Uh, this is tonight's menu.
- Colonel Hall: What?
- Basil Fawlty: Uh, yes... I'm afraid the, uh, chef changed his mind and forgot to tell us. He's like that. Brilliant, but temperamental.
- Colonel Hall: What? He's changed everything?
- Basil Fawlty: I'm afraid so. Yes, it wasn't good enough, so he just chucked it away. He's such a perfectionist.
- Mrs. Twitchen: The lobster?
- Basil Fawlty: Lobster, tournedos, you name it, it's in the bin.
- Mr. Twitchen: How extraordinary.
- Basil Fawlty: Yes. Lucky old bin, I say.