John Cleese credited as playing...
Basil Fawlty
- Manuel: [helping Basil improvise an excuse for his wife's absence at their anniversary party] Is surprise party?
- Basil Fawlty: Yes!
- Manuel: She no here.
- Basil Fawlty: Right.
- Manuel: That is surprise!
- Roger: Did you hear that? I said "Syb ill."
- Basil Fawlty: Yes?
- Roger: Wha', chu got it?
- Basil Fawlty: No, no, no, I'm fine.
- Roger: [explaining] No, no, no. Well, I call her... I call her "Syb," right? So "Syb - ill." "Bas - well."
- Manuel: "MAN - well!"
- Sybil Fawlty: You don't have to worry about Polly forgetting anything important, Basil.
- Basil Fawlty: Don't I?
- Sybil Fawlty: No, you don't.
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, good. How splendid.
- Sybil Fawlty: No, SHE doesn't forget things.
- Basil Fawlty: Doesn't she?
- Sybil Fawlty: Well, can you remember the last time she did?
- Basil Fawlty: No, I can't, but then my memory isn't very good.
- Sybil Fawlty: You can say that again.
- Basil Fawlty: Can I, dear? Oh, thank you.
- Basil Fawlty: [clears throat] I've forgotten what it was.
- Basil Fawlty: Look, it's... look it's... it's perfectly Sybil. Simple's not well. She's lost her throat and her voice hurts.
- Basil Fawlty: She's fine. She's absolutely fine. Well, I mean, she's feeling dreadful, but she'll live. That's what counts in the long run, doesn't it?
- Basil Fawlty: I'll just, uh, pop upstairs and ask her to stop dying, and then you can all come up and identify her.
- Virginia: Is it serious?
- Basil Fawlty: Well, it might be.
- Alice: Oh, dear!
- Basil Fawlty: I mean, not completely serious, but slightly serious.
- Basil Fawlty: Let's let her have a bit of a fume.
- Polly Sherman: Wouldn't it be simpler to boil her in oil?
- Basil Fawlty: Yes, but not as economical.
- Polly Sherman: Nice paper, Basil.
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, thank you, Alice. Yes, we got it to go with the carpet.
- Roger: To go with it?
- Basil Fawlty: That's right, Roger.
- Roger: Yeah, well, one of them will have to go. My money's on the carpet.
- Sybil Fawlty: [after establishing that it is April 17] Does that stir any memories in you, Basil?
- Basil Fawlty: Memories?
- [Basil gasps]
- Basil Fawlty: Agincourt?
- Sybil Fawlty: What?
- Basil Fawlty: Anniversary of the Battle of Agincourt?
- [Sybil slaps Basil]
- Basil Fawlty: Trafalgar? Crécy? Poitiers? Yom Kippur?