Connie Booth credited as playing...
Polly Sherman
- [Basil's constant mention of World War II has reduced a German girl to tears, so he decides to cheer her up with a Hitler imitation]
- Basil Fawlty: Look, she'll love it! She's German!
- [Basil almost holds a finger underneath his nose]
- Polly Shearman: [recognizing what's to come, with horror] NO, Mr. Fawlty!
- Basil Fawlty: What?
- Polly Shearman: Do Jimmy Cagney instead!
- Basil Fawlty: What?
- Polly Shearman: Jimmy Cagney!
- Basil Fawlty: Jimmy Cagney?
- Polly Shearman: You know! "You dirty rat!"
- Basil Fawlty: I can't do Jimmy Cagney!
- Polly Shearman: Oh, please try! "I'm gonna get you..."
- Basil Fawlty: Shut up!
- Basil Fawlty: [to the Germans] Here, watch. Who's this then?
- [He holds a finger underneath his nose and shouts in mock German, which makes the German girl cry even more]
- Basil Fawlty: OK, I'll do the funny walk!
- [Basil goose-steps into the lobby and back, all the while chanting in mock German]
- Basil Fawlty: Polly, what's that smell?
- Polly Shearman: Flowers. I just got them from the garden.
- Basil Fawlty: Well, what are you stinking the place up with those for? What's happened to the plastic ones?
- Polly Shearman: Being ironed.
- Basil Fawlty: [nailing the moose head to the wall] There, tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies are safe forever. Mr Moose is up. It's done, done, done!
- Polly Shearman: It's up.
- [the moose head falls off and hits Basil on the head in the process]
- Polly Shearman: It's down again.
- Major Gowen: I hate Germans! I love women.
- Polly Sherman: What about German women?
- Major Gowen: Good card players.
- Mrs. Wilson: [after Basil has explained that the earlier bell was the burglar alarm, not the fire bell] Look, how on earth can you expect us to tell which bell is which?
- [Basil sighs in exasperation]
- Mrs. Wilson: We haven't heard them yet, have we?
- [Looks round at the other guests]
- Basil Fawlty: You want to hear them? Right, suits me! Here's the burglar alarm.
- [Turns it on]
- Major Gowen: Ought we to catch them first?
- Basil Fawlty: There *aren't* any.
- Major Gowen: Then why does the alarm keep going...
- Basil Fawlty: [sighs] Alright, got that? Right.
- [Turns the alarm off]
- Mrs. Wilson: What's happening now?
- Basil Fawlty: [Ignoring her] Now, here's the fire bell, right?
- [Turns it on]
- Basil Fawlty: It's a completely different sound, listen.
- [the guests start to leave]
- Basil Fawlty: Well, where are you going?
- Mrs. Wilson: Well, there is a drill, isn't there?
- Basil Fawlty: [Jumping up and down in exasperation] No, no, no-no-no! This is so you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I *ring* the bell! What are you doing? Will you come back?
- Two women: We're going outside.
- Basil Fawlty: No! Look, just listen to it, you old fools!
- Two women: What?
- Basil Fawlty: Listen to it!
- [Manuel enters, gesturing frantically]
- Manuel: Fire, fire, everybody out, please...
- Basil Fawlty: NO!
- [Manuel continues to herd everyone out]
- Basil Fawlty: Will you shut up?
- Manuel: Out...
- Basil Fawlty: [shouting over him] Look, will you shut up?
- Manuel: Is fire...
- Basil Fawlty: Is *not* fire, is only bell!
- [Manuel continues to protest. Polly start to head upstairs]
- Basil Fawlty: Where are *you* going?
- Polly Shearman: Upstairs.
- Basil Fawlty: There isn't a drill yet! I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like!