John Lawrence credited as playing...
Mr. Sharp
- [after explaining to everyone about the fire drill moments away]
- Basil Fawlty: Splendid. Well, now that's settled, we'll have the fire drill, which will commence in exactly 30 seconds from now. Thank you so much.
- [Everyone stands still]
- Basil Fawlty: What are you doing? I mean, are you just gonna stand there?
- Mr. Sharp: Well, what do you suggest?
- Basil Fawlty: Well, couldn't one or two of you go in the bar and a few in the dining room... I mean, use your imagination?
- Mr. Sharp: Why?
- Basil Fawlty: Well, this is supposed to be a *fire drill*!
- Mr. Sharp: There's only a few seconds.
- Basil Fawlty: ...Right, right. Well, stay where you are because, obviously, if there was a fire, you'd all be standing down here like this in the lobby, wouldn't you? I mean, why do we bother? We should let you all burn!
- [Basil has accidentally set off the burglar alarm during the fire drill, guests start walking out of the building thinking it's the fire alarm, but Basil stops them all in the lobby]
- Mrs. Wilson: Oh, I thought there was a drill.
- Basil Fawlty: Yes, there is, at twelve o'clock, but not yet.
- Mrs. Wilson: But, it IS twelve o'clock.
- Basil Fawlty: Well not quite, thank you.
- Basil Fawlty: [to other guests trying to leave] Excuse me!
- Mrs. Sharp: Yes.
- Mrs. Wilson: Well, I make it twelve o'clock.
- Basil Fawlty: [to guests] I'm afraid that wasn't the...
- Mrs. Wilson: What time do you make it, Major?
- Basil Fawlty: [annoyed] Look...
- Major Gowen: Burglars about, I think.
- Basil Fawlty: Look, it doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet.
- Mrs. Sharp: What?
- Basil Fawlty: It hasn't started yet!
- Mrs. Sharp: But, that was the bell, wasn't it?
- Basil Fawlty: No!
- Mrs. Wilson: He means "the drill" hasn't started yet.
- Mr. Sharp: What drill? We didn't hear a drill.
- Basil Fawlty: [trying to explain] No, no-no-no, look, look - that was the burglar alarm.
- Major Gowen: See!
- Mrs. Wilson: The burglar alarm?
- Basil Fawlty: Yes!
- Mrs. Wilson: Are there burglars?
- Major Gowen: Evidently!
- Basil Fawlty: [increasingly annoyed] No! Look, what's the matter with you all? It's perfectly simple: We have the fire drill when I ring the fire *bell*! That wasn't the fire bell! Right?
- Mr. Sharp: Mr. Sharp: Well, how were we supposed to *know* that wasn't the fire bell?
- Basil Fawlty: Because it doesn't *sound* like the fire bell!
- All guests at once: It did.
- Basil Fawlty: It didn't!
- All guests at once: It did!
- Basil Fawlty: No it didn't! The fire bell is a different s... i-it's a semitone higher!
- Mrs. Wilson: A semitone?
- Basil Fawlty: At least.
- [Pointing at his watch]
- Basil Fawlty: Anyway, the fire drill doesn't start til 12 o'clock!
- Mr. Sharp: [Pointing at his own watch] It *is* 12 o'clock.
- Basil Fawlty: [Looks at his watch] Well, it is *now*, but that's because we've been standing about arguing about it!